Picture Perfect
by MiitchieLoves
Summary: Gabriella, 16 years old, dealing with depression, self-hatred, eating disorders, sexual abuse. Will she ever be set free from the thoughts that make her hate herself? Will Troy save her? Or make her worse?
1. Chapter 1

Dear;

brain, sorry for overloading you.

Tummy, sorry for the butterflies.

Pillow, sorry for the tears.

_Dear Heart;_

_Sorry for the damage. /3_

I've gone through a lot in my life. From depression, to eating disorders, to falling in love with a guy who was way to good for me, to almost getting raped by a guy I've known since I was four years old. Over my life, I've had heart aches, and happiness. Love and Loss. Butterflies and snake bites. Most people that know me, only think of me as the girl who keeps her feelings to herself, who hides away from the world and puts on a happy face. They don't know my real story, because I've been too scared to tell people. This is an account of what has happened to me, and what I plan to do with myself after you turn the page, and the story is over. My name is Gabriella Montez, and if you care enough to read on, this is my story.

_I guess sometimes I just lose sight of who I have in my life. Sometimes I lose sight so much that the people I love the most are the people I end up losing. Sometimes I feel so alone in my own private world that I forget there's real people out there who care about me. Sometimes I love my private world too much, too much that I never want to leave it. I've spent my whole life in my make believe world that I havn't done things most people my age have. Ever since I was little I hid away, unable to accept what was going on with my family and myself. Unable to accept the fact that I have an eating disorder, be it starvation or binging. The sound of my stomach growling for food is one of the best sounds in the world. I feel like I have control over everything in my life, School, Friends, Family, depression. _

_Writing this out now, while I sit on my bed listening to music I begin to feel somewhat better. Like maybe I might be able to over come my fears of the real world, like I might be able to stop hiding and finally be myself. Maybe then I'll be happy. I know when I'm skinny I'll be happy. . . I'll be pretty. . . _

_Maybe then, people might start to notice me. They'll smile at me and think I'm pretty. Things will be different. I wont be out shined by my best friends. Guys will look at me and think I'm the pretty one. And I will be. That's my dream. It walk down the street and be able to hold my head up high and know I'm pretty. To know that I wont have to hide anymore, that I can be myself. I want this more then anything. Have you ever wanted something so much that, you would hurt yourself just to make it real? Have you ever wanted a dream to come true so badly that you lie awake at night, knowing that if it came true, all the fears and heartaches in your life, would just. . . disappear?_

A tear forms in my dark browns eyes. I reach over to the bedside table. No tissues. Sighing, I throw my feet over the edge of my bed, the cold wooden floors feel good on my bare feet. The low sound of "_ stay" _by Miley Cyrus is playing in the background. Walking over to the window, the sky is full of stars tonight. "It's gonna be a cold night,_" _I mumble to myself. I push the window open, and pull myself onto the window sill. Making myself comfortable, I lean my head against the cold wooden frame. Another tear forms in my eyes. Slowly it falls down my cheek. "_I love you more, then I did before and if today I don't see your face. Nothing's changed. No one can take your place. It gets harder everyday. Say you loved me more then you did before and I'm sorry that it's this way. But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home, and if you ask me I will stay. . . " _I sing quietly to myself. A cold wind blows into my bedroom, making the small hairs on my arms stand up. I shiver and jump down from the window.

"I hate this. I hate being alone so much. . ."

_I could talk to my mom, but she just makes me so mad! She treats me like I'm five years old. Like I can't take care of myself. It's so annoying. Whenever I try to talk to her she just gets pissed off and starts giving out to me. And when I don't talk to her, she gets mad for me "not telling her wants going on in my life." Ugh! I just can't win with that woman. What am I gonna do? How am I gonna get her to relies that I'm not a little kid anymore. She doesn't know anything about me. She doesn't know about Jack, and what he did to me. She doesn't know about Troy. . . _

_Troy. . . . I havn't thought about him in a while. When I think of him, my heart hurts. It feels like there's apart of me that's missing. He was amazing. He was my everything. . . Now we don't talk anymore. Now, everything has changed. _

_Troy and I met around the time I was way over my head with problems. He made me forget about the world. Forget about my problems. Who I was and who I was trying to be. From the moment we met we clicked. Maybe it was a mistake to fall for someone who's already in love, or maybe it was ment to be. Whatever it was. It was amazing. . . ._

Summer 2008:

"Come on Gabriella, come to the beach. It'll be fun!" Taylor, my best friend said pulling me off my bed. "It's summer and you're wasting away watching TV!"

"I don't care Taylor. I'm perfectly fine sitting here watching TV," I said, pressing the remote control trying to change the channel. Taylor and I had been best friends for years. She was amazing! She always knew how to make me smile. She was my other half. We did everything together. Well, until my eating disorder got worse.  
"Well I care and I'm not letting my best friend waste her summer in bed!" Using all her strength she pulled me up. It wasn't hard for her, I wasn't eating much lately so I had lost a lot of weight. 'Skin and Bone' is what she called me. I didn't care, I normally just brushed it off.  
"Gabriella come on! Get ready, and we'll go look at some cute guys"  
"Fine. Fine! I'll go, as long as you stop annoying me about guys!"  
Happy, Taylor got her own way, she skipped out of the dark bedroom room I was sitting in. I pulled myself off the bed and turned off the TV. Stretching I stood up.

_Put on a smile Gabriella. Just smile and pretend to be happy. Taylor deserves that much. _

"You ready to go?" Taylor asked

"Yeah" I sighed pulling on a white t-shirt.

"Gabs, we're going to the beach. Wear something else."

"Like what?" I said looking in the mirror. All I could see was an ugly fat teenager.

"Gabriella, you're a size 6, if your not gonna wear a swim suit atleast wear shorts and a tank top."

"Taylor, no. I don't wan-" I was cut off by her digging though my closet.

"Here we go! Found something." She smiled, pulling out denim shorts and a blue tank top.

"Put these on" Taylor smiled throwing the clothes at me.

I didn't even bother fighting with her. I took the clothes and stalked off to the bathroom.

Walking down the hall, Taylor smiled when she seen me. She picked up my shoes.

"Here. Now lets go! I need to look at some hot boys!"

"Fine. But I'm only doing this for you"

"I know!" And with that she grabbed my hand and pulled me out the front door of my house.

"Taylor, I still dont have my shoes on!" I said trying to pull out of her grip.

"Oh sorry." She smiled letting go of me. I sat down on the curb. The asphalt was hot because of the California sun. I pulled on my old black converse . Running my hand through my hair I stood up.

"Come on beautiful, we have a beach to visit." Summer was what Taylor lived for. No school, and hot boys. That's what see always said. We hardly spent anytime together because, well I never wanted to leave the house, but sometimes she'd get angry at me and drag me to the mall or like today, the beach. I knew she ment well, but I knew her too well, she had a plan. And her plan was for me to fall for this guy called Troy. We were in the same class but people like him didn't talk to people like me. He was captain of the school's basket-ball team. The guy every girl loved. With his light brown hair and piercing blue eyes, he could make any girl swoon. And with a smile that could bring a dead puppy back to life. . . Yeah, maybe I did like him, but Taylor didn't need to know that. And as for Troy? He didn't need to know either. He didn't even know who I was. Or at least I thought he didn't.

Taylor pulled me out of my daydream by yelling at me.

"GABRIELLA! Were you even listening to me?" She asked looking at me. I couldn't help but smile.

"Of course Tay."

"Yeah? Then what was I talking about?"

I knew the answer. She always talked about the same guy. Chad. Who just happened to be Troy's best friend. She loved him ever since second grade when he caught her when she fell off the jungle jym.

"You were talking about Chad." I said with a smile. Something Taylor could always do was make me laugh and make me forget about everything.

"Hmmm, you got lucky." She said with a laugh, she took my arm and pulled me down the the beach. It was crowded with teenagers on summer vacation.

"Maybe we should come back later. I mean there is a lot of people here."

"Gabs, this is what summer is about! You can't spend it locked in you'r bedroom. You're only a teenager once and I know you're not well but the only way you're gonna get better is if you get out of your house and start having fun!"

I sighed, apart of me knew Taylor was right, but didn't want to say it. _Put on a happy face. _The voice in my head said to me. _Smile, and look happy. She's your best friend and she wants you to have some fun. It wont kill you._I suppressed a sigh.

"Fine, but only for you!" and with that she grabbed my arm and pulled me onto the sandy beach.


	2. Chapter 2

To me it felt like the sun was getting hottor. I glanced around the beach. Taylor was off flirting with Chad and had left me alone sitting on a sun chair. I sighed and looked around. Looking down at my body I covered my stomach with my arms.

_If she was gonna leave me alone then why did she make me come?_

I looked around at the people hugging. The people playing in the sea. The girls showing off there perfect bodies. Toned legs. Toned stomach. Toned arms. Beautiful faces. Beautiful hair. They smiled and laughed with their friends.

_Why can't I be that happy?_ I sighed and lay back on the sun chair. My dark hair fell around my face. The smell of the sea filled my nose. It made me smile. A comforting smell. The sun felt nice agaisn't my skin. I had no sun-block on, but at this point did it really matter? I closed my eyes and tried to relax. _If Taylor is off flirting then I might as well try to relax_, I thought.

I couldn't. Not with so many people around, and not when I was wearing shorts and a tank-top. I opened by eyes and sat up. "This isn't fair. If she wasn't gonna spend time with me then why did she make me come? I'm going home!" I mumbled to myself. I threw my legs over the side of the sun-chair. My converse sinking in the sand. I stood up, dizzy from dehydration. I ignored it and began walking toward the pere where the ground wasn't trying to pull me down. I sun was in my eyes so I couldn't see where I was walking. Squinting I walked past the fun-loving teenagers. The beautiful girls and the guys starring at their bodies. _What does it matter? No matter how skinny I am I'll never as beautiful as these girls. _

I stepped onto the asfolt and glaned around for Taylor. "What does she care if I leave? She's off with Chad. She wont even notice if I go home." I began to stalk down the pere until I heard my name beening called.

"Gabriella? Gabriella! Over here." I turned around to see a tall blonde running up to me. Sharpay Evans. I smiled the ever so famous fake smile. Of course, she couldn't tell if I was faking.

"Hi Sharpay."

"Gabriella." She smiled as she hugged me. "You look great!"

Yeah sure! That fake personality I knew all to well. Sharpay was the girl in school that everyone loved. She was also dating Troy. She was so fake. She pretened to be friends with everyone, as for me she knew about my problems so she wanted to seem like she was 'kind and friendly' to be seen with me. Like somehow she was helping me. But she was just making everything worse.

"Um, thanks Sharpay. You look great too." I tried to smile but looking at her body I could feel a frown on my face. She was perfect. Blonde hair. Brown eyes. Skinny. Boobs. . . shall I go on? She was the perfect California girl.

"I know right?" She giggled, "Daddy got me a personal trainer."

_Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Ugh! Give me a break! _If she didn't get what she wanted she'd scream until she got it. I've seen it first hand.

"_Wow. That's so cool. . ." _

"_Listen the reason I came over was because I wanted to know how your summer was going? We never hang out anymore, and I miss you." She threw that fake smile out again. This time showing off her perfect teeth. _

"_Eh, it's going alright. . . " I was cut off by someone walking up behind Sharpay. With the sun shining down my vision was blured but I knew by the voice who it was. _

"_Hey Shar, do you know where. . . . Hey, umm gabrielle right?" Troy looked me up and down._

"_Ga – Gabriella." I stuttered. _

"_Gabriella. Right." He smiled. Not a fake one like Sharpay's, Troy was a nice guy. He wasn't fake like his girlfriend. He extened his hand out to me. "Nice to meet you." _

"_Um, we've been in the same class since first grade." I said without moving. _

His hand fell. "Oh. Gomez right?"

"_Montez." I sighed, correcting him again. For a nice guy, he didn't pay much attention to people like me. _

"_Right." He smiled. _

"_Troy! I'm talking to Gabriella. What do you want?" Sharpay snapped at him. _

"_Eh." He looked down at her, "Do you know where Chad is?" _

"_Do I look like I know where Chad is?" Sharpay sighed and pushed Troy away. Glad to get away from her he walked away. "Boys! They're so stupid right?" _

"_Umm I wouldn't know, I've never had a boyfriend." At this point in the conversation she was starring at a group of guys playing Volly-ball. _

"_Really? That's great." She turned back to me. "Gabriella! We need to hang out over summer! Go shopping." She gasped. "Have a sleepover! I'll call you." And with that she ran off the the group of guys playing Volly-ball. _

_Good thing you don't have my number, _I thought. Glad to get away from her I began walking again. I was getting dizzy but not the sun. It was the lack of food in my stomach. Like always I ignored it.

"Where do you think you're going?" Taylor's voice rang loud and clear in my ears.

I turned around to see her glued to Chad's side. "Home?"

"Why?" She said pulling away from him. "Aren't you having fun?"

"How can I be having fun? You're off flirting, and I'm by myself."

"Gabriella, come on. No I'm not!" She smiled.

"Yes you are Taylor. You're having fun with Chad and I just wanna go home. You wont even notice I'm gone." I glanced over at Chad who was starring at two girls who were sunbathing.

"Whatever Gabriella. Go home! I don't care. I just wanted you to have a little fun, but like always you make everything about you and you're stupid problems!"

"Taylor, I didn't say anything about my problems! And I'm not making this about myself. If anything I'm letting you spend more time with Chad." I hated fighting with her, but I could tell there was something starting.

Taylor turned back to Chad. "Come on Chad. Lets leave Gabriella to go home and cut!" and with that she walked off. Leaving me standing on the beach starring after her.

"That was a little harsh, don't you think?" A soothing voice said behind me. I slowly turned around. Troy.

"Troy? You. . . You heard her?"

"_Of course. I was looking for Chad, and when I seen he was with Taylor I came over, but I have a feeling he wont wanna hang out now." He looked past me and down to where Chad and Taylor were. _

"_Oh. I'm sorry. . . . "_

"_Sorry? For what? I should be the one apologizing. I shouldn't of listened in. You're upset." _

"_Upset? No. . I'm not. I'm fine."_

"_Really?" He took a step closer to me. Lifting his hand, he brushed his thumb agains't my cheek. "Then why are you crying?" _

I hadn't noticed a few tears had ecasped my eyes. I steped away from him, stummbling in the process. "I. . . sorry. It was just a silly fight. She was just angry that I'm going home."

"Well, I was about to leave too. Chad's with Taylor and Sharpay is off flirting with those guys." He pointed over to the group of Volly-ballers. "How 'bout we walk together?" He smiled.

"Umm. . . Are you sure Sharpay wont be mad?"

"She wont know." He smiled.

_I guess not_. I thought._ I've always wanted a guy to notice me, and now's my change. _

"Sure, what's the point in walking home alone."

"Exactly." He smiled and stepped beside me.

This isnt like some romantic movie, we didn't 'walk off into the sun-set' and we didn't fall inlove. We walked out of the beach together. A silence fell between us. The sounds of the beach soon faded out as we walked away.

"So. . . . " He broke the silence after a few mintues of walking. "What Taylor said. . . Is it true?"

I looked at him, half expecting what he was gonna say."Is what true?"

"That you cut?" He looked at me.

I sighed. "Um, It's a long story."

"I have time." He said with a reasurring smile.

"No office Troy, but before today you didn't even know my name."

"Yeah. I guess that wasn't really a good start."

I smiled, "Not really."

"How about we start again?" He asked as we got closer to my house. I could see the red brick nearing us. I sighed.

"Well, this is my house so I guess we can't. . . "

He looked up. "Oh, well maybe some other time." He smiled as we stepped onto the curb.

"Some other time?" I asked.

"Yeah." He smiled. "It looks like Chad will be spending the summer with Taylor, and as for Shar. . Well, things havn't been going good between us."

"Really? But you's always seemed like the perfect couple."

"Yeah. . . " He trailed off. "But it doesn't matter. We never hung out much anyway."

"Oh. Well I'm sorry." I looked at him. Taking in his features before he walked away. I knew this was going to be my last time talking to him.

"Anyway," He smiled looking up at me. "Even though we've been in the same class since first grade. . ." He held up his hand. "It's nice to finally talk to you."

I couldn't help but smile at his. "Yeah," I shook his hand.

"And I ment what I said about 'Starting over.' You seem like a cook girl, maybe we could hang out again."

I thought the lack of food in my stomach was making my ears play tricks on me. It wasn't. It was him saying we should hang out. Troy Bolton. I looked at him and slightly smiled trying to play it cool. "Sure. That'd be cool." I turned to walk up the porch to go into the house. When I heard him call me.

"And Gabriella?"

"Yeah?" I asked turning around.

"You've got a really pretty smile."

With that he turned his back and walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Enjoy Life. **_

_-Eat a chocolate cake. _

_-Get your hair wet. _

_-Dance in muddy puddles. _

_-Draw a picture with crayons like your six years old. _

_-Go on a holiday. _

_-Dance like no one is watching. _

_-Sing like no one is listening. _

_-Laugh your heart out. _

_-Go on a picnic. _

_-Relax in the sun. _

_**-Be loved by someone. . . **_

_Live your life to the fullest, so at the end of the day you have no regret, no sorrows and no disappointments. _

Those words keep repeating themselves over and over in my mind.

_No regrets. _

_No sorrows. _

_No disappointments. _

One of the last things my grandfather said to me before he died. Over and over I heard his voice. It was so powerful. A voice that could capture a room. A voice that could make anyone listen and make anything sound interesting.

My grandfather was my inspiration. He always told me, "_No matter what anyone says, as long as you think you're talented. You are." _

_**Talent. **_Something my grandfather had a lot of. His life was all about the Performing Arts. Being on stage. Making people laugh. He was pure _talent. _I remember the first show I ever saw him in. _Singin' in the rain. _I was four years old and since then all I wanted to do was perform. The way he took over the stage as Don Lockwood. The way he danced to the musical numbers. The way he smiled when the crowd stood and cheered for him. I wanted it. I needed it.

Until my mom got sick. That's when I stopped performing. I had got my first main roll. Would you believe in Singin' in the rain? I had gotten the part of Kathy Selden. I never got to play her, I had to drop out because my mom had to go into hospital. I was upset but she was more important. By this time my grandfather had died. Lack of blood to the brain had killed him. I took to the stage when that happened, I was ten.

Depression was getting the better of my mom, and my family. My dad worked more. Talked less. My mom cried all day & all night. Begged us to just leave her alone. I was eleven when my eating disorder started. Since then I shut out the world. I created my own world. A world where my mom wasn't sick. My dad didn't always work and a place where I could be happy. My private world was a place where I could perform all I wanted. A place where everyone wanted to be my friend. A place where people thought I was pretty.

Was I silly for making up a private world? Maybe. But that world was everything I had. Everything I wanted. But now that my problems were getting worse, I was stuck in that world. And it wasn't a good thing anymore. Taylor kept telling me I had to talk to someone, tell someone what I was going through. But it wasn't that easy. I couldn't talk to someone. I couldn't talk to her. I couldn't talk to my mom, and there was no way I was going to talk to my dad. He made jokes out of everything I did.

_"Grandpa?" _I remember when I was seven years old, I asked my Grandfather "_How do you have the courage to perform infront of all those people every night?" _

He'd smile at me and say, "_A dream Gabriella." _

_**A dream. **_

I remember when my dream was to perform for the rest of my life, now my dream was to be skinny and beautiful.

The sound of the door bell ringing woke me up. I pushed the bed cover off my body and slid off my bed. The sun was shining though into my bedroom, which made me squint. I moved my way down the stairs, stumbling over my bag pack. " I should really put that away." I mumbled as I opened the front door.

"Troy?"

"Hey."

"Troy. . . What. . . What are you doing here?" I asked trying to cover my body with my arms. It wasn't working. He laughed when he seen me in my pyjamas.

"I was passing by and thought you might wanna hang out today?" He chucked. "But I see you're only after getting out of bed."

"Ehh yeah. . . ." I could feel my face getting red.

"Don't worry about it. If you don't wanna hang out, it's alright."

"No! I mean, sure. Hanging out would be cool. Come on in, and I'll get changed." I stepped back from the door, clearing the entrace so he could come inside.

"Cool Beans." He smiled and walked into my house.

"The living room is right in there." I pointed into the next room. "I'll be down in a bit." My face was going red again, I could feel it. I stepped away from him and ran up the stairs. Practicly throwing myself into my bedroom. Sliding alone the wooden floors I opened my closet.

"Shit. Shit. Shit! What's going on? Troy Bolton is down stairs. . . In my house? And I'm in my pyjamas? UGH!" I started rummaging though my closet for something to wear. I pulled out the denim shorts I was wearing yesterday. "They'll do." I quickly pulled off my pyjama's and pulled on the shorts, the grabbed the first t-shirt I seen. A white t-shirt with "_This is more entertaining than Twilight."_ printed on it. I pulled it on.

"If I look in the mirror I wont want to go out. . . ." I tried to fight the urge to look at my reflection. I lost. I walked over to the full-length mirror in the corner of my bedroom.

I sighed. _A pitty date maybe? _I thought. _But this isn't a date. He has a girlfriend. _I looked away from my reflection. _Then why is he here? _

There was nothing I could do at this point. Troy was downstairs, and I had to go down. I walked to the door of my room, and slowly pushed it open. With a deep breath I walked down the hall.

After slowly walking down the stairs, and fighting the urge to run back up to my bedroom. I walked into the living room, where Troy was looking at a picture on the wall.

"You perform? He asked, turning around to me.

"Performed." I said.

"As in, you don't do it anymore?" He took a step closer to me.

"Not really. I don't have time. . . " I trailed off. This was something I didn't wanna talk about.

"Oh. . . . So you ready to go?" He asked, changing the subject like he knew I didn't want to talk about it.

"Umm yeah, but where are we going?"

"I thought we could go to the park? The beach is gonna be just as full as it was yesterday, and I wanna get to know you a little better." He smiled and looked away. _Embarressed maybe? _I soon got rid of that thought when he turned back to me.

"And I don't wanna run into Sharpay."

"Right." I stepped back to let him walk in front of me, but he just smiled and ushered for me to go first.

The California sun hit my like a ton of red bricks. It was mid-summer, the perfect time for teenagers to be at the beach. Troy seemed to glow in the sunshine. His light brown hair shining. The way the sun shit off this tanned skin made him look Godly. I couldn't stop thinking about him and Sharpay. They always seemed so perfect together. Both mean. Both only caing about how they looked but looking at Troy I could tell he wasn't like what I thought he was for so many years. He was kind. Even if I didn't understand his intentions. _But maybe he didn't have any. He could just want to be friends with me. _I almost laughed out loud at myself. _Good one Gabriella. Troy Bolton being friends with me? Never gonna happen. _

"So the park?" He asked pulling me out of my world.

"Huh? Oh yeah, sure." I looked away, pretty sure my face was bright red.

"You know, you're pretty shy. . . . for a performer."

"I'm not a performer. I used to be, but." I paused, sighing. " Not anymore."

"Why not?"

"Not good enough I guess."

"Not good enough? Well, I've never seen you perform before but I bet you're good." He smiled at me. For the first time since first grade I looked into his eyes. They were a perfect blue. I couldn't help but smile at him. Something was telling me that I could trust him.

"I guess I'm good, I wont be famous or anything." I slightly laughed at myself.

"How do you know that? If you give up, You'll never know."

"That's sweet Troy, but there's a reason I gave up. I wasn't as good as the other girls. . . I wasn't. . " My voice soon turned into a mumble, "Pretty enough."

We walked up to the park. For sunny day like this I was expecting it to be full of kids. It wasn't.

"This is weird," I said, trying to change the subject. "Normally this place is filled with kids."

"Yeah. . ."

We soon heard the sound of a 'Hannah Montana' song playing the background.

"Must be a birthday party." He smiled and walked over to the swing set.

Pretty sure the subject had been changed I followed him over.

"So. . . . Not pretty enough?" He looked at me, I froze.

_Shit! _

"_Umm, I guess. I don't look like every other girl in California." _

"_What? Because you're not blond?" He smiled and motioned me toward one of the swings. _

"_Well. . . Yeah." I sat down on the swing set, and tried to look up at him, with the sun blinding me, I couldn't see much. _

"_Gabriella, you're crazy." He smiled and sat down on the ground. "Have you not noticed how pretty you are?" He asked. _

"_Troy, you're the crazy one." I couldn't help but smile at the confused look on his face. The way his frown lines danced across his forehead, and the way his lips came together to form a frown. _

"_How?" _

"_You think I'm pretty? You walked me home yesterday? You wanted to hang out today?" _

"_Yet I'm the crazy one?" He smiled _

That smile. It made me forget who I was. What was wrong with me. Who I was trying to be. I felt like I could just let go and be myself.

"_Yes!" I giggled. _

"_You're crazy!" He chuckled. "You're pretty. You're." He paused and looked at me,_

"_Beautiful." _


	4. Chapter 4

The way he brushed his hair out of his eyes. The way he smiled. The was he laughed. The way he could make me feel like I was normal, everything he did made me smile. We sat on the swing set and talked about school, hobbies, friends and family. There were so many things I didn't know about Troy. I thought he was just some guy who played basket-ball and dated cheerleaders, but he was much more then that. He was sweet and funny and the way he looked at me, he didn't look at my body. He asked me if there was anything wrong with me, I'd answer with a quiet "_no" _He'd slightly smile and say _"If you want to talk about it, you can tell me."_ Those words. I've heard them millions of times but now? It finally felt like someone meant them. Like Troy wanted to know what was wrong with me.

"I started playing basket-ball when I was about nine. That's when I remember playing it the most. That's when my dad died. . . ."

"Your dad? Oh Troy, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"Don't worry about it. Most people don't know." He paused and looked at me. Those blue eyes starring into my soul. "He had cancer for a few months. Soon he just gave up the fight. He couldn't take it, and one day my mom went into the hospital to see him and he was just lying there." He took a deep breathe. "I wish I was the one that found him, so that she didn't have to go though that. More then anything I wish I could turn back time and stop her from going into that room."

"Troy. . . "

He looked at me and smiled. "I'm sorry Gabriella. I shouldn't of -"

"No! Don't worry about it. Really. It's. . .. It's good to talk about things that bother you." I looked away. I could tell Troy Bolton it was good to talk about these things but I couldn't talk about it myself.

"Yeah?" He laughed. He stood up and took my hand. The sun was almost down, the blue west sky was turning orange. He pulled me up off the swing and slipped his hands around my waist. "Then why can't you take your own advice?"

"What are you talking about?" I kept my voice low.

"Gabriella. I see you everyday at school. I see the way you shy away from everyone. I remember when we we're in younger, you got the lead in the school musical but you dropped out."

"I thought you didn't know who I was until yesterday."

He laughed at his and pulled me closer, "Really? Gabriella of course I knew who you were! I just acted like I didn't with around Sharpay."

"Why?"

"because I know that everyone likes you. You might be quiet but your a good person, and you're way prettier then Sharpay." He smiled when he said that. I could feel my face turning red.

"You're crazy!"

"Me?" He smiled. "Come on, Sharpay is pretty but she's getting off on every guy in school."

"No she's not. . . . " It was true, Sharpay was getting with every guy but she was still Troy's girlfriend.

"No need to lie Gabriella," He smiled at me, and slid his hands away from my waist. "I already know, she's done it with everyone on the team." He stepped away from me and walked toward the jungle gym.

"You don't know that. . . ." I didn't like Troy & Sharpay together but I didn't want Troy to get hurt. "They could of been joking."

"You're a sweet girl Gabriella, but I know it's true."

"If you know it's true then, why don't you just end it?"

"I can't, she's the reason I'm going to UCLA when I finish school."

"Why?"

"Her dad knows a guy who can get me a scolarship, that's why we're still together."

"That's. . . an odd relationship Troy."

His blue eyes sparkled as they looked up to the sky. I walked over to him and sighed.

"What about you?" He asked. " Don't you have a boyfriend?"

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "No, I don't." With my face turning red I had to look away from him.

"Why not?" He chuckled.

"It's not that easy Troy, people have to like you before they. . . _like_ you."

"I like you." I could feel him moving closer to me. His warm breath on the back of my neck, "You're fun, and a lot different then Sharpay."

I could feel his hands moving around my waist. I stopped breathing knowing he could feel my stomach.

"And what your doing to your body. . ." He moved his face closer to mine and whipered "You shouldn't. You're beautiful and you don't need to be size zero."

"What if it's the only way to be beautiful?" I murmered.

He pulled me closer to him and pressed his lips to mine. I could feel his strong arms around my small body. His heat, his heartbeat. I felt myself relax and melt into his chest, not before I felt him pull back. He pressed his forehead against mine, and smiled.

"Troy. . . " I whispered, "What. . . . What was that?"

"Yeah Troy, What was that?"

We both turned around to see Sharpay standing a few feet away from us with a group of her friends.

"Sharpay?" Troy pulled himself away from me. "Sharpay, it's not what it looks like. I just. . . "

I could feel her starring at me, she was ignoring Troy and looking straight at me. I could feel my heart beating in my chest.

She took a step towards me. "YOU SLUTTY ANOREXIC BITCH!"


	5. Chapter 5

"You think because your fucking aneroxic you can get any guy you want? Don't make me sick. You're a slut. A ugly,_ FAT _slut who couldn't get a guy if you we're the last girl on earth, let alone Troy!"

Sharpay's wolds kept coming back at me. Hitting me in the face like a ton of red bricks. The way she looked at me, the way she said all those things._ Slut. Ugly. Fat_. The way she grabed Troy's hand and pulled him off, and left me standing there, alone.

_It was just one kiss, she'd done a lot worse with loads of guys_. . . I tried to tell myself, but I knew what I did was wrong. What Troy did was wrong. Or was it Troy at all? Was it me that kissed him? My mind was just one big blur. I couldn't think straight, not with those words screaming at me. _SLUT. FAT. UGLY. _

Fighting back the tears I walked home as the sky began to be covered by silver sparks.

The cold tiles on my barefeet were somewhat soothing. After dad forcing me to eat dinner, I headed straight for the bathroom. I grabbed my toothbrush off the sink just when tears began to spill out of my eyes. My knees began to shake and I fell infront on the toilet. With a shaking hand I held up my toothbrush, I was used to doing this. It had become a daily thing for me.

_Your heart is burning, your eyes are tired, your focas is making you blind. You can't see the games your playing, on a helpless heart like mine. You take one step backward, your faith is behind. You remember how it used to be, still you refuse to change your mind. Your heart is burning, and your eyes are tired, your focas is making you blind you can't see the games your playing on a helpless heart like mine. _

_So get going, it's time for you to shine. _

With a shaking hand I pulled myself up from the cold bathroom floor. With the food gone from my body I was somewhat happier. Skinnier. Prettier. I flushed the toilet, letting go of everything that once was. . . The person I was, was finally gone. I stumbled back from the toilet and glanced at myself in the mirror. My black hair was stuck to my face, I was pale with red rings around my eyes. _"They can easliy be fixed Gabriella, just wear a little more make-up when you leave the house and no one will notice." _I told myself aloud. I slightly smiled, knowing what I was doing was killing me. I liked the idea of wasting away, of dying before the human eye. Slowly dying. . . Dying so slowly no one would notice until one day when it happened. I turned toward the shower. A razor, the razor, sparkling in the dim light of the bathroom. _Should I?_ I thought.

_FAT. UGLY. SLUT. WORTHLESS. UNWANTED. UNTALENTED. UNLOVED. _

Those words screamed there way though my head. Though my body. I didn't give it a second thought, I reached out for the razor. The blades. . . The thought of the phycial pain. The thought of weakness. Weakness that no one would know about. Before I could stop myself, the blade was on my skin. Tearing it's way down. The cool metal on my arm. It took the breath out of my body. The phyical pain as the blood came in contact with the air.

_Your heart is burning, your eyes are tired, your focas is making you blind. You can't see the games your playing, on a helpless heart like mine. You take one step backward, your faith is behind. You remember how it used to be, still you refuse to change your mind. Your heart is burning, and your eyes are tired, your focas is making you blind you can't see the games your playing on a helpless heart like mine. _

_So get going, it's time for you to shine. _

Tears slowly fell from my eyes. Disappering into nothing as they hit the blood on my arm. The silence of the bathroom was calming, it was late now, almost one in the morning. My parents were in bed. Dreaming of a happier time, before my mom got sick, before I was obsessed with body images. I remember just a few months ago I could walk down the street, not caring if I was as skinny as every other girl out there. Looking at pictures of celebrites and not thinking I wanted to kill myself because I didn't look like them. I never cared about what other people thought, I was happy. Then my mom got sick, I was okay with it at first, I knew she'd be okay, she wasn't dying. Then I met a girl named Hannah, she was perfect. She was skinny. She was beautiful. She had so many friends, she also had scares all over her body. One day I asked her why she had them, she told me she self-harmed. That she starved herself to be skinny & when she wanted to eat something she would cut to make pain. She told me that was the reason everyone loved her, because she was skinny & because she was skinny ,she was pretty. She also told me never to be myself, because people never liked the real you. They always wanted someone different, someone better.

"_The bone-deep understanding that your life is so urtterly without meaning, that simply to survive you have to reinvent youself, because if people can't find you, they can't dislike you." _A quote from Orson Welles, one of the most famous actors in history. Even he was saying it was bad to be yourself. He reached broadway by the age of 22, he didn't do that by being himself. Hannah was right, being yourself was bad. You have to be someone else for people to like you.

I was always told to surround myself with good people, but there was something about being with Hannah, the way she hated and loved herself. She could hold her head high because she knew she was skinny, she knew people looked at her. As for me, I was nothing compaired to her. People looked passed me and straight to her, people talked about her all the time, about how nice she was, how pretty. She was _everything I wanted to be. _

I put down the razor, and looked at the blood stains on my arm. My pale skin made the red shine in the dim light. I turned on the tap, the sound of the water hitting the tiles, the steam rising as the water heated up. I slowly put my arm in under the now boiling water. I gasped as the hot water hit my open skin. The blood began to wash away, it was following the water to the drain hole, I watched as it disappered. I turned off the tap and grabed the towel off the hook next to the sink. I dabbed my arm dry and walked out of the bathroom.

With the words Sharpay said to me still shouting at me I walked into my bedroom. I slowly shut the door behind me, not wanting to wake up my parents. I need to do something, anything. I looked around my room, it was only one thirty in the morning, the sun wouldn't be up for a while, so I couldn't go running. I walked over to my window and pulled back the blind. The glow of the street light, the silent street with no one awake. Summer time in California, it was peaceful tonight, it was nice.

"_Maybe if I try to sleep for a while" I said aloud, "I can't go running at one in the morning." There was no way I could sleep. I walked over to my bed and looked at the poster of __"The Beatles" _over my bed. John Lennon never got anywhere being himself, I thought. It's time for change Gabriella. A big change. I need to be different.

I pushed myself away from my bed and over to my closet. _"Tell me where our time went, and if it was time well spent, just don't let me fall asleep feeling empty again. 'Cause I fear I might break and I fear I can't take. Tonight I'll lie awake feeling empty._" The words to Paramore's song Pressure rang loud in my head.

"_A change" I kept repeating to myself, "Being yourself didn't work, maybe someone else will." I began pulling clothes out of my closet. Jeans. Tops. Skirts. Shoes. Everything. After a while there was hardly anything left. Two paris of black skinny years, hot pink converse and some concert t-shirts. Paramore, 30 Seconds to Mars, Muse, Bulliet for my Valentine. "Might need to get more t-shirts." Time passed quickly while I was getting rid of clothes, it was almost five in the morning now. __One more hour and I can go for a run._ I thought, the sun was starting to rise, the day would be starting, California would no longer be a peaceful, quiet town, it would turn into a busy, hyper city filled with people going to work, people coming for a vacation, teenagers prepairing for yet another sunny day. I pulled my only pair of sweats out of my almost empty closet & a t-shirt. I pulled off my pjammas and pulled on the clothes. I pulled my long hair back into a high pony tail & sat on my bed. I began with push-ups. One hundred and fifty to start with, then sit-ups, then moved onto jumping jacks. I wasn't going to risk going down to the den where the family gym was. If I was going to, I would of been on the treadmill all night, but it was loud and I didn't want to wake up my parents.

The sun was getting higher now, almost six in the morning. Dad was off work because of Mom, he wouldn't be up till eight, maybe nine if I was lucky. He wouldn't notice I was gone. Mom on the other hand, she wouldn't be up till three in the day, and she wouldn't care if I was gone.

I quilty walked down the stairs, carefull to step on the third step from the bottom because I knew it would make a loud creak. I skipped the third step and ran into the kitchen, dodging my sleeping cat who was leaning against the back door I ran towards the gate. I would do a few laps around the park, maybe go though the forest. I set off down the road, the sun was nearly up. The sky was becoming blue.

I would make this work, I thought. I will be skinny. Troy will like me, Taylor wont leave me for Chad, Sharpay will be jealous of me. I'll pretend I have the perfect family. My Dad the CAO of some big company that does work all around the world. My Mom the perfect house wife, the perfect Mom. We travel to Europe every summer. We have an apartment in New York for when California gets boring. I wanted to go to East High because I didn't want to seem like some spoilt brat. I could play piano, and had a personal trainer. I had this all planed out. The sky was now a bright blue. The birds we're singing and the air was warm.

"_A few more laps of the park then I can go home, no one will notice I was. . . " That's when I fell back. I wasn't looking where I was running, I was too busy thinking about my little world. I hit the ground hard, I pushed the hair that had fallen out of my pony tail back off my face. __A change _I thought.

"_What the hell? Don't you look where you going?" I looked up to see those sparkling blue eyes. _

"_Oh God, Gabriella I'm so sorry I wasn't looking where I was going. It was totally my fault." Troy pulled himself off the ground then put his hand out to help me up. I took it, not wanting to seem like an idiot. Those blue eyes were my weakness. I looked away not wanting to go all weak-kneed around him. _

"_It's okay Troy, It was my fault to. . . . I wasn't paying attention." _

"_Whoa! your hand, are you okay?" He asked looking around to my arm, the cut from last night hadn't healed. _

"_Oh that, it's nothing." I pulled my arm away from him. _

He looked at me with those eyes that told me he didn't believe me. "You sure?" He asked, "It looks pretty sore. . . "

"_It's nothing, really you don't need to worry about it." _

"_Hmm okay" He could sence I wanted to change the subject. "I didn't know you ran, I never seen you out before."_

"_Oh, yeah I started a few days ago. You know, better then taking the car right?" _

He smiled, "Gabriella Montez, making the world a better place. I remember you were always really into peace and everything when we were kids, inspired by the guy from the Beatles."

"_John Lennon" I mumbled. "Wait! You remember that? I haven't talked about making the world a better place in years, I kinda gave up that whole thing." _

"_Of course I remembered, everyone thought you were crazy but you never cared what people thought. Why did you give it up?" _

"_Like John Lennon, I'm kinda a lost cause. Not really sure what I'm meant to be doing. . . ." _

"_Well, I always thought you could make a difference. You were always really nice to everyone. People liked to listen to what you had to say." _

I remembered back to the days of middle school. I always thought of myself as someone no on listened to you.

Pulling me out of my head I heard Troy ask "you wanna run together? I wanna talk to you about what happened yesterday with Sharpay."

"_Ehh sure." What have a I got to lose, there was no way Sharpay would see us, it was too early for her to be up._

We began running, first in silence. Neither of us saying a word after a while he broke the silence. "Gabriella, I'm really sorry about yesterday, what Sharpay said to you, it. . . It wasn't fair, I was the one that kissed you. You shouldn't of got the blame for it."

"_Don't worry about it Troy, Sharpay was right. I am fat. . . well you heard her." That made him stop running, not because he needed to catch his breath. He looked right at me. _

"_Your what?" He asked, his voice getting louder as he spoke. "You think. . . because Sharpay. . . . Gabriella come on! Sharpay calls everyone a slut, don't listen to her!" _

"It doesn't matter Troy, She still said it, and it still hurt."

"Look, I know I should of said something to Sharpay yesterday but you know what she's like. . . "

"Like I said Troy, it doesn't matter."

"And your arm." He wouldn't let the conversation drop. "What happened? You didn't. . . you didn't do that to yourself. . . did you?"

I could feel him looking at my arm. "Of course not Troy, I'm not an idiot. . . . "

I started scratching at my arm, causing the blood to come through my skin, I tried to stop but I couldn't, I liked the pain.

"My mom did that. . . . when my dad died. . . " He grabed my arm, stopping me from scratching. "I seen what it did to her, and I'm not letting you start."

He began pulled me down the path in the park. "Troy, what are you doing? Where are we going?"

"To my house. I told you I'm not letting you do this to yourself."

"Troy come on! Let me go!"

It was no use, he pulled me along until we reached his house. "Troy, why are you doing this to me?" I moaned. "It's not fair!"

"Yes it is Gabriella! I seen what self harming does to people, I don't want it to happen to you." He turned around and pulled me into his arms, we were almost at his house. The morning sun was warm. Of course it was going to be a nice day. I could feel his strong arms around my waist. He pulled me tighter against him.

"You really don't get it, do you? You have no idea how beautiful you are. The way you dress." He smiled looking down at me. "The music you like. The way your hair falls around your face, your smile. You really are beautiful!" He pressed his forehead against mine. I coudl feel his hot breath agaisnt my face. I stopped breathing.

"Gabriella," he smiled. "breathe." He whispered


	6. Chapter 6

Troy's strong hands wrapped around my waist. His warm breath on my neck felt amazing. He smelt like vanilla. His hair was soft as I ran my hand across it. We were inside his house, his parents weren't home. He learned me against the wall in the living room. His lips felt soft on my skin, a low moan escaped my mouth.

"We, we shouldn't be doing this Troy." I mumbled as his lips came closer to mine.

"Don't worry," he smiled pressing his lips closer to mine. "No one will know." With that his lips crashed into mine. My head was spinning, his arms tightened around my small waist. He pulled me closer to him. I felt safe as my body melted into his _three-hundred pushups in the morning _chest.

I slowly pulled myself back. "We can't." I looked away, not wanting him to see my face.

"Hey," He said, his hand moving up to my face. "Look at me, trust me I'm not gonna make you do anything. Not a thing. Okay? And you're right, we shouldn't be doing this."

I slightly smiled, looking at Troy now he didn't seem like the guy I've known for so many years. He didn't seem like the guy every girl wanted to date or every guy wanted to be. He just seemed normal.

His hands slowly ran over my waist and then fell to his side. "We don't want another scene like yesterday."

"Thanks for reminding me." I sighed pushing my head back against the wall.

"I'm sorry, I. . . I didn't mean to. . . "

I smiled at him, the way he got nervous only made him cuter. "Don't worry about it." I said taking his hand.

I pushed the memory to the back of my mind but those words kept hitting me. _Fat. Ugly. Worthless. Unloved. Untalented. _Troy's smile soon pushed those words out of my head. I knew what we were doing was wrong, but how could I stop myself? It was Troy Bolton! The guy with blue eyes so deep you could get lost in them, a smile so amazing it could bring a dead puppy back to life, a body that was so perfectly scuplted that it would make any guy jealous. His arms, those arms that lifted weights every day, danced with millions of girls at proms were now around me. Holding me so close that I could feel his chest rise when he took breaths.

"Are you okay? I didn't mean to upset you by talking about yesterday."

"Yeah, I'm fine." The thought of Troy caring about me was amazing, I felt safe with him. Like no one could harm me when I was in his arms.

"Alright," he smiled. "So tell me, why were you out running so early this morning?"

"Ehhh, no reason I guess, just wanted to be alone." What was I meant to tell him? That I want to be skinny? That I hate my body and I was running to make myself feel better?

"I'm not gonna pretend I believe you Gabriella," he moved his head closer to mine, our foreheads were now touching. "Now, tell me the real reason." He whispered.

"I can't." That was all that came out of my mouth. I couldn't tell him, he'd think I was crazy.

"Of course you can! You can trust me."

I'd known Troy since first grade but I've only started 'knowing him' over the past few days and now he was saying I could trust him? To be truthful, I felt like I could trust him, like he wasn't gonna judge me like Taylor or my parents.

"It's not like I'm gonna tell Sharpay, this is our time." He smiled and pecked my lips.

"So tell me the truth, why were you out running?"

"Because," I took a deep breath and looked around the room. "Because, after what Sharpay said to me yesterday, she made me feel crap about myself. . . . ." I mumbled.

After he didn't reply I looked at him.

"Sharpay is a bitch! Don't listen to her, trust me you're way prettier then her, and," he looked down at my body "your body is way. . . ." his voice began to drop off as he finished the sentance.

I blushed, I didn't know what to say to him, all I could say was, "I better go. My parents will be looking for me." I mumbled, looking down at my feet. He pulled himself back from me.

"Yeah, good idea. I think Sharpay is coming over soon anyway." He sighed.

I smiled at him, not putting a lot of effort into making it look believable and walked to the front door. The guilt was begining to take over my body. I walked out of the house knowing in a few hours Sharpay would be in Troy's arms. Her lips on his. Her head resting on his chest. I closed my eyes, trying to get rid of the image of the both of them together. I was only getting to know Troy but I was already falling in love with him. Was I crazy? Or was it the way he could make me feel like I wasn't alone anymore? Well, whatever it was, It was making me crazy!

I was lost in my thoughts I didn't even notice Taylor come up to me.

"Something happened! Tell me!" She smiled as she walked over to me.

I hid my arm behind my back, if she seen the cuts from last night, she'd kill me.

"Hmm, nothing I was just thinking about some stuff. . . "

"Gabriella, I need to talk to you." Taylor mumbled. Taylor always said what was on her mind, she was never shy about anything and she never mumbled. She was one of the loudest people I know.

"Yeah, of course Tay. What's up?"

"I miss you Gabriella! I miss the way we used to hang out all the time but now when we see each other you're always upset. I miss my best friend!"

My heart was breaking in my chest. I knew I was going through stuff, with my mom having depression and my dad almost losing his job, but I never thought I'd be affecting Taylor and our friendship.

"Taylor, I. Wow! I never knew I was doing that to our friendship. I'm so sorry."

"That's just it Gabriella. You didn't know. You never know! The only thing you think about is how skinny you are and I'm getting sick of making you go places with me. I'm sorry Gabriella but, I don't think we should be friends anymore. . . " She looked away from me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. First Sharpay treating me like a peice of crap, now Taylor not wanting to be my friend anymore?

_FAT. UGLY. WORTHLESS. UNTALENTED. UNLOVED. _

The words came back at me and hit me in the face. I felt like crap, I just wanted to get away from Taylor and be alone, alone with my thoughts. Alone with the razor blade.

"But Taylor, we've been best friends" I paused hoping she was joking. The look on her face told me she wasn't. "we've been best friends forever. Since we we're kids."

"Yeah, well people change Gabriella. You've changed. I've changed and I think we've both changed too much to still be friends. You," She paused looking at me, "You." then her eyes traveled down to my arm. She looked at me again. I could see the look in her eyes. "You cut?" She said just below yelling. She grabed my hand that I was hiding behind my back. "How could you do that? Ugh! I can't believe you did that. You. . . You really have changed. You're, I don't even know what you are anymore. I don't know who you are anymore Gabriella. You're not the same person as you were last year."

"Of course I'm not the same person Taylor!" Tears were starting to fill my eyes. I blinked hard and tried to get rid of them. "But don't act like you're the same person either! Because you're not. You've changed too!"

"Yeah, maybe I have. But I don't fucking slit my wrists." She pulled my arm up, looking at the cuts. "That's crazy! That's. . . That's not right Gabriella! You know I was willing to stay friends with you when your mom got sick, and I stayed when you started having problems, but this? This is too much! Even for me." With that, she dropped my hand and walked away from me. Leaving me there looking at her walk away.

"What is happening to me?" I whispered to myself.

I needed to get home. I couldn't cry in the middle of the street. Dad will be at work and mom will hopefully be. . . . anywhere but home. I thought to myself.

Before the tears could spill out of my eyes, I began running home.

I reached the door, gasping as the hot air filled my lungs. I fumbled around the plots at the door for the key, when I finally found it I pushed open the door. Tears began to fall from my eyes. I still couldn't believe what was happening. Couldn't believe Taylor wasn't my friend anymore. She had been my best friend since we were three years old! We did everything together and now? Now she was just gone.

My stomach was starting to hurt with the lack of food. I ignored it. I walked up the stairs. The bathroom was right next to my bedroom. I pushed open the door. The air was cool in there. The blade was just where I left it from yesterday. I grabed it. Tears spilling from my eyes.

_FAT. UGLY. WORTHLESS. UNTALENTED. UNLOVED. _

This time I was drilling the words into my head.

Before I had doubts, like maybe there was hope that I could get better. That maybe I was loved. Maybe I wasn't as ugly was I thought I was. Maybe I was good enough to perform again.

But all that was gone. I looked in the mirror. I hated the girl starring back at me. I hated everything about her. Her hair. Her eyes. Her mouth. _Everything _

"You are _**worthless**_."

"You are _**ugly**_."

"You are _**fat**_."

"_**You are ..unloved." **_


	7. Chapter 7

_"She falls asleep and all she think's about is you. She falls asleep and all she dreams about is you. When she's asleep the air she's breathing is for you, and why she want's to live. She's not got that much more to give. _

_She sits alone on her phone and shes calling about her broken home, I don't know what I should say 'cause she's crying and feeling though she's thrown it all away, she wont last another day. . . " _

"You have a great voice." He smiled over at me. It had been so long since I had played the piano, I was shocked to have still remembered the notes to that song.

"I'm alright I guess." I mumbled taking my hands off the keys.

He leaned over and kissed me. His lips were soft agaisnt mine. I smiled into the kiss, slowly I stood up and rapped my arms around him. I felt safe with his arms around me.

It had been two weeks since I'd last talked to Taylor, and I'd been cutting myself every night. Since I've been spending more time with Troy I was cutting in places he couldn't see. My legs, my thighs, my stomach. Anywhere but my arms. He didn't know what I was doing and I wasn't planning on telling him.

"I'm leaving Sharpay." He mumbled into my mouth. Over the past two weeks we had been getting a lot closer, but we never talked about Sharpay. It was too awkward.

"Wh-what?" I asked pulling back from him.

"I'm gonna break up with Sharpay." He repeated.

"Why? I mean, well I know why, but _why?_ She's beautiful and rich and everything I'm not! And if you leave her you wont get your scolarship!" He couldn't break up with Sharpay because of me. She was _everything _I wasn't. She's beautiful and perfect! And me? I'm ugly, and fat, and a complete loser compared to Sharpay Evans.

"Gabriella, it's just a scolarship. It doesn't mean that much. Really! And I'd much rather be with you."

"You really are crazy! Is it lack of oxygen getting to your brain or something?"

"Stop it. I'm being serious. Sharpay is. . . . Well Sharpay is the ideal girlfriend, yes, but I want something different. I want. . . Gabriella Montez." He looked at me and smiled. "I want the girl who plays the piano and the ukulele. The girl who wears concert t-shirts everywhere and listens to rock music from the seventies." He smiled and pecked my lips. "So what do you say Gabriella Montez?"

I was in shock. He knew just who I was, without going into much detail, but still, he knew. He was taking the time to notice I loved rock music and always wore concert t-shirts. Minor details but I was still happy he took notice.

I tried to play it cool, not to let on I was so happy he was getting to know me. "I dunno Mr. Bolton. You'll have to call me when you're a single man." I smiled and stepped out of his arms.

"Where are you going?" He asked, following me out of the room.

"Troy, I can't stay in you're house for the rest of my life. I have a family I need to get home to." I reached for the front door handle but two strong arms grabbed my wasit before I could open the door.

"Maybe we could make our own family." He smiled at me, running his hand down my waist.

"Oh no." I said, pulling myself back from his grip.

"I was joking." He laughed pulling me back.

"I don't care, I - I need to. . . I need to go." I turned around and opened the front door only to shut it straight away.

"Fuck!"

"What's wrong?" He smiled. "Missed me too much?" He leaned into me and winked.

"If only." I giggled. The fact he could make me forget about the cuts and scars all over my body was nice. "Sharpay is coming up." I said as the smile dropped from my face.

"What?" He moved over to the door and looked out the window next to it. "Fuck my life! What the hell is she doing here? She's meatnt to be in L.A shopping with her friends."

"Looks like she missed you too much." I said mocking him.

"Shut up," he turned around and smiled at me. "Well if she sees you here she will kill you so I suggest you hide upstairs." He pushed me towards the staircase.

_this'll be fun _I thought as I ran up the stairs.

After I slipped behind the wall covering the end of the staircase I heard Troy open the door.

"Sharpay, hey, what are you doing here?"

"I missed you Troy baby!" Her perfect voice driffted up to me. I was already feeling sick. Her lips on his. In his arms. Him telling her he loved her .

Wait! Loved her? Where had that come from? I wasn't falling inlove with Troy. . . was I? Sure I liked spending time with him, and he was my reason for getting out of bed every morning but love? I don't think so. Sure we kissed and all that but it was harmles, right? He'd never feel that way about me. I looked down at my stomach. Although it was covered by a t-shirt I could imagine the scars.

Had Troy even told Sharpay he loved her? I didn't know the answer to that question, shaking the thoughts from my head I began listening to the two _love birds _again.

"Troy, I came over here for a reason." Sharpay said.

"Sure babe, what's up?"

"You've been acting really strange lately. Are you seeing someone behind my back?"

How could she know? There was no way she would know. I held my breath, _fuck fuck fuck. _I thought, _Troy couldn't tell her, he wouldn't tell her. Would he? _

"What? Sharpay you're crazy. Why would I cheat on you? You're everything a guy could ever want."

I took a chance and peeked over the wall that was covering me on the stairs to she Sharpay in Troy's arms. I'd pictured it a lot when I was self harming, I was feeling guilty and I couldn't help but. . . I dunno feel kinda bad? It was mean towards Sharpay. She didn't deserve Troy cheating on her.

"Okay baby. I'm sorry for thinking you would cheat on me. How weird would that be?" She giggled. "Who would you get with anyway? That emo Gabriella Montez? I'm so silly!"

"Emo?"

"Yeah, come on Troy, don't act like you don't know. She self harms like all the time. She's a freak."

"I thought she stopped that. . . " He mumbled.

"Why would you think that? And why would you care?"

"I dunno, I just thought -"

"Yeah, whatever." He cut him off, "She's such a freak though, like she's so fat! Don't you think so?"

She didn't give him time to answer.

"And like, remember when she used to perform? I'm so glad she stopped! She was so bad!"

Again giving Troy no time to answer.

"I didn't think it was possible to be so ugly but, I guess it is. Y'know sometimes I feel sorry for her. Like she has no real friends. I got Taylor to stop being friends with her, people are so easy to control. Don't you think? Awh, Troy I'm so lucky to have you. Y'know Gabriella loved you since like first grade? Yeah I know, stupid right? Like she'd ever stand a chance with you."

"Sharpay That's kinda mean."

"What are you talking about Troy. he deserves way more hate then that. That's nothing compaired to what me and the girls say about her."

"Yeah, well maybe you should stop bitching about someone you don't even know! You don't even know why she self harms, or why she stopped performing. And you think she's bad? You're just jealous of her, because she's way better then you ever will be. And she's not fat. Infact she starves herself so she can be as skinny as people like you. Is that what you want Sharpay? For people like Gabriella to feel worse about themselves so they do self harm and starve themselfs? For people like you? Well congrats because it's working."

"Troy, what's gotten into you?"

"I. . . " He paused. "I don't like this Sharpay. I don't like the person you've become, wait scratch that. I never liked the person you are. You're a bitch and I don't wanna date you anymore."

"Troy, what-what are you talking about? Is this - Is this because of Gabriella? After that day in the park? You've been seeing her behind my back haven't you? UGH! I knew it! Well you know what Troy, you can kiss your scolarship goodbye! You can also kiss me goodbye because you're not breaking up with me, oh no darling it doesn't work this way. You maybe in love with that. . . that loser but guess what Troy I'm a winner, and winner's like me do not date losers like you. So goodbye!"

With that I heard the door slam shut and I heard Troy sigh.

I stopped breathing about four bitching setions ago. My hands we're shaking, when I tried to stand up I reliesed my whole body was shaking. I couldn't believe Troy had said that to Sharpay, I couldn't believe any of that. Apart of me was wishing I was dreaming, the other part was starring at Troy at the bottom of the staircase.

"Are you ok?" He asked, his voice shaking.

"I. . . Yeah, I'm fine." I said not moving an inch. "Are you ok?"

"I just lost my scolarship and Sharpay is gonna tell everyone about you self harming and everything, how do you think?"

I smiled and took a few steps toward him. "I'm proud of you Troy. No one has ever stood up for me before."

"You deserve it! You're amazing, and I wanna be with you. And if you're stil self harming well. . . we're gonna get through this." He smiled and pulled me into his chest. "You're not alone, babygirl. You have me now, and I'm gonna help you every step of the way. You're mine now."


	8. Chapter 8

"I was sexualy abused when I was a kid." I looked down at my hands. I hadn't talked about this since I was eight years old. "That's why I. . . you know," I looked across my arm. I wasn't cutting as much anymore because I was spending more time with Troy and he was making me feel like I was better then that.

"You were sexualy abused? Wh- Wh- That's crazy! Did the guy go to jail?" Troy soft voice sounded lower, a whispered tone.

"No, he's. . . he's still. . . . around." To me I sounded like I was shouting. I looked out across the beach. Everyone was gone home. The sun was setting and the sky was turning to a beautiful silvery-blue. The wind coming across from the pacific ocean was warm but the fading sun was beginging to make the small hairs on my arm stand up. I felt Troy move closer to me. His arm touched off mine. I was getting butterflies in my stomach so bad.

"Here." He said handing me his Wildcat basket-ball team jacket. I took it without saying a word and put it on. "It looks good on you." He smiled. "Sharpay, never wore my jacket."

"Good thing too." I smiled. "It smells just like you."

"Is that a bad thing?" He asked. He was so cute. The way the breeze messed his already messy hair, the way that smile danced on his lips. The way his eyes sparkled when he looked out onto the ocean.

I smiled at him and rested my head on his shoulder. "Don't worry Wildcat, it's a good thing."

"Wildcat?" He asked looking down at me with a cheeky smile playing on his face.

"Yes Wildcat! Don't you like it?" I looked up at him.

"It's weird. . ."

"How? You're caption of the Wildcat's and you're crazy so therefore you're a crazy wildcat."

"You forget to say that I was yours." He smiled and leaned closer to me.

"So your my crazy Wildcat?" I asked pressing my lips against his.

"I'm your crazy wildcat." He mumbled agaisn't my lips. I could feel his hand moving to the small of my back. He pressed his lips closer to mine. If it was possible to feel fireworks when kissing someone it was happening to me now. He slowly pulled back and pressed his forehead agaisnt mine. "So that's why you. . . you know." He mumbled.

"Well, yeah." I whispered.

"Well don't worry, because you have me now and I'm never gonna let anything bad happen to you. I swear."

"You're really sweet Troy, thank you" I smiled and pushed the self-hating thoughts to the back of my mind.

He smiled and stood up. "C'mon, let's go for a walk on the beach." He reached down and extended his hand to me.

"Are you upset about you and Sharpay?"

"Kinda, we were dating since we started high school, but you know, a change is good, and Sharpay isn't the same girl she was in ninth grade."

"Well you're not the same guy you were in ninth grade, you've changed a lot."

"Yeah, I guess I have but everyone changes. You've changed" He smiled at me.

"I have?"

"Yeah, I mean I used to think of you as a complete thearte geek and when. . ."

"And when when I was performing you and the basketball team started yelling at me and throwing things up on stage. . . ." I mumbled.

"Gabriella?"

I looked behind me to see Taylor standing a few feet down the beach. "Taylor?" I pulled away from Troy and took a step towards her. "What are you doing here?" I hadn't talked to Taylor since the day she told me she didn't want to be my friend any more, that was almost a month ago.

"I was. . . " Her voice sounded low and rough, like she was crying.

"Taylor, are you crying?"

"Oh Gabriella, I really need a friend right now!" She sobbed.

I couldn't help but run over to her, so what if she didn't want to be my friend? She needed me. "Taylor what's wrong?"

"Oh Gabriella, it's terrible! It's. . . I'm. . . " Her eyes traveled up to where I was standing before. "Troy?" She looked back at me. "What's. . . What's he doing here?"

"He's umm he's. . . " What was I meant to say? That we were on a. . . date? Were we even on a date?

"Gabriella and I just met. . . we were, ehhh, we were just talking about some stuff." Troy said walking over to us.

Taylor looked at him and began crying into my shoulder.

"Tay, don't worry, it'll be okay, everything's gonna be okay." I whispered, wrapping my arms around her.

"Ehh maybe I should bring you guys home." Troy mumbled, looking down at the sand.

"Yeah good idea Troy. C'mon Tay, let's go home."

Troy's car was warm, Taylor sat in the back with me, she hadn't stopped crying since we left the beach. Troy pulled up at Taylor's house and turned off the engine. He got out an opened the back door.

"Go on in Taylor, I'll be in, in a second." I said as I got out of the car.

"What do you think's wrong with her?" I asked Troy as Taylor opened the front door to her house.

"I dunno, it could be anything." He said putting his arms around my waist.

"I had a good time tonight. . . until Taylor anyway. I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be sorry, we'll just have another date tomorrow."

"So it was a date?" I smiled.

"Yeah, it was. I really like you Gabriella, and I like spending time with you." He looked down at the ground then looked back up at me, "and I wanna be the one that helps you over come your problems."

I smiled at him and pulled back from him and walked towards the front door of Taylor's house.

"And Gabriella?"

"Yeah?" I asked turning around.

"I love you." He said.

He then climbed into his car and drove off.

"Did he just say he loves me?" I thought out loud as I pushed open the front door. Taylor was sitting on the bottom of the stairs, her make-up had run down her face making her look like something out of a Tim Buton cartoon.

"Taylor."

"Are you and Troy dating?"

"I. . . I dunno Tay, it's kinda. . . weird." I pushed the _I love you _thought to the back of my mind and sat down next to her.

"What's wrong with you Taylor?" I asked, keeping my voice low and gentle.

"I. . . I. . . I. ." She coudln't speak she was crying so much.

"Awh, Tay, please stop crying." I said as I wrapped my arms around her shaking frame. "It'll be okay, c'mon let's go into the kitchen and get you something to drink."

"Thank you." She sobbed.

"Careful, It's hot." I warned as I handed her a mug of coffee.

"Thanks Gabriella you're a great friend."

"I thought were weren't friends anymore."

"I'm sorry. . . ."

"Don't be, who would want to be friend's with me?" I mumbled.

"I never meant what I said. I was upset and. . . . and. . . "

"And Sharpay made you say that stuff to me?"

"Yes." She looked down at her hands. "I'm so sorry, I thought if I said that to you it would. . . I dunno. . ." She looked across at me. "Do you still. . . cut?" She asked.

I looked down at my hands. "Troy's been helping me, I guess."

"That's good. . . "

"Taylor, why were you crying?" I asked.

"Well," She paused, "Today I found out that I was. . . I was. . ."

"You were what?"

"I'm pregnant. . . ."

"You're. . . you're. . . . you're not pregnant. . . How could you be pregnant?"

"How do you think Gabriella? I had sex!"

"Taylor - "

"I don't know what I'm gonna do Gabriella, I cant't tell my parent's they'd kill me!"

"Well, you're gonna have to tell them at some point."

"No I'm not."

"Taylor don't be stupid, pretty soon you're gonna start getting. . . "

"Fatter?" She spat the words out at me. "You hate the word so fucking much you can't even say it? I bet you're happy this isn't you."

"What are you talking about Taylor? Why would it be me?" Maybe she was just upset because of what was going on.

"But of course it wouldn't because you're perfect little miss Gabriella Montez!"

"Perfect? I'm far from perfect and you know it!"

"NO YOU'RE NOT GABRIELLA!" She yelled at me and stood up. "DON'T YOU GET IT? YOU ARE SO PERFECT, AND IM SO FUCKING SICK OF EVERYONE SAYING IT! FOR ONCE I WANT TO BE THE PERFECT ONE, BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE. . . . BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING BOYFRIEND GOT ME PREGNANT!"

"My boyfriend got you pregnant?What are you talking about?"

"Troy. Yeah he's this child's dad. Didn't you see how strange he was acting when he seen me at the beach? He's a player Gabriella! He got me pregnant and when I told him he fucked off to you!"

"Taylor you're lying Troy wouldn't do that and why would he? He's been with me for the last month! Are you saying he was seeing you behind my back?"

"What do you think?"

"I can't believe you'd go that low! I thought you were my friend!"

"We haven't been friends since you began obsessed with body image! You're the most self-centred person I have ever met! You only care about what people look like and what people think of you! You used to be different Gabriella. You used to be happy that people thought you were different, but no one likes you now because you're a _fat worthless unloved bitch!" _

I couldn't believe Taylor just said that to me. After the month I spent getting better, it was a big step for me. Even if it was just a month and now she goes and says that?

"I bet Troy told you he loved you. He doesn't."

My head was thumping, my eyes were filling up with tears. I stood up and looked at the person who was my best friend since I was first grade. My voice came out weak, I wasn't even sure if I could finish the sentence. "I was going to be here for you, because of the situation you're in but you can forget about it now because you have officially lost me as a friend. So why don't you run back to Sharpay and tell her? Maybe because she doesn't give a crap about you? Or maybe because she was using you to make my life terrible. Well guess what Taylor it worked! And remember when I told you about what happened when I was eight years old? About your dad sexualy abusing me? Troy knows, so don't go making up lies about him, when he could put your dad behind bars. In the place he belongs. He ruined my life! You're dad was the one that made me the way I am! That made me so obessed with body image. He made me want to kill myself every day since I was eight years old. He made me starve myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to eat! He made me keep secrets from my parents! They don't even know what happened to me when I was eight! But Troy Bolton does! You wanna know why? Because he wants to know, he wants to help me get better and all you're doing is making it a lot worse. I hope you have a good pregnancy. Congrats."

With that I walked out of the kitchen and stormed towards the front door.

"What is going on?" I said a loud, aware that I was talking to myself but I didn't care. "How could Taylor say that about Troy, he. . . he'd never do that."

I found myself walking towards the park where Troy and I shared our first kiss.

"What if Taylor was telling the truth about Troy? He did randomly tell me that he loved me today, but he wouldn't get Taylor pregnant. They don't even know each other, how could they of slept together?"

Paramore's song "Decoy" pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind. I reached into my pocket and looked at my cell phone. Troy was ringing me. I didn't know if I wanted to talk to him, but maybe he was worried about Taylor? Wait. . . Why would he be worried about Taylor if. . .

"Hey." I said my voice shaking worse then it was when I was at Taylor's.

"Heya babygirl, how's Taylor?" There it was. The voice that made my stomach do a complete flip, this time just not with joy, I was nervous. . . I was scared.

"Do you know Taylor?" I asked. I need to know what was going on. I didn't want to get my heartbroken if I was falling for this guy if he got Taylor pregnant.

"Eh, not really, only from school but she seemed pretty upset tonight at the beach."

"Yeah, she did." Maybe I was over reacting. Troy wouldn't get a girl pregnant. He was too nice.

"Gabriella, are you alright? You seem upset."

"Yeah, Troy I. . . I'm fine, can you collect me? I'm at the park, I need to tell you something. . . about Taylor."

"Yeah, of course. I'll be right there babygirl."

"Thank you, and Troy?"

"Yes beautiful?"

"I love you." I smiled when I said that and then pressed the hang up button on my phone. I didn't want to know if he'd say it again. I'd just wait untill he came to the park.


	9. Chapter 9

The stage lights shone bright over Troy. Looking at him now, standing in the middle of the stage at the Sands Thearte, he seemed so different. The lights made his blue eyes sparkle even more.

He started playing the guitar, making me snap out of my trance. Troy began singing. It took my breath away.

"You got my attention at hello, we had this connection that wouldn't let go. There was something sexy 'bout your voice everything you say makes a beautiful noise." His voice was just perfection. The way he moved his hand through his hair, the way he smiled down at me, the way his hand moved up and down the neck of his guitar.

"And now we break up to make up right away. Just that excuse to lay in bed all day. I know that this thing we have wont ever change, and that's why I have the confidence to say, a lot of girls are sexy but you know how to use it, you can keep me up on the phone all night."

"Gabriella." He smiled breathing into the microphone.

"Yes?" I asked resting my head on the end of the stage.

He stepped back from the microphone stand and sat down next to where I was leaning agaisnt the stage. "I didn't know you could sing." I smiled up at him.

"I can sing?" He asked.

"You're great Troy." I smiled.

He took his guitar off and pulled me onto the stage. "I'm alright I guess."

"You guess? You're crazy Wildcat. You're amazing."

"I wouldn't go that far, you're the singer in this relationship babygirl."

I smiled and leaned closer to him. It had been about a month since I told him I loved him, and everytime I said it to him it felt like everything was just perfect in the world. The scars on my body had cleared up, I had stopped self-harming. I was eating more, well, trying to. Troy was so supportive, he never pushed me into eating, because he knew what was going on. He had to deal with it with his mom when his dad died. In the few weeks that Troy and I have been hanging out my mom had gone into hospital for depression, my dad was spending less and less time at home but I never felt alone because I always had Troy. I thought he'd leave me when I told him about what happened with Taylor's dad when I was younger but he didn't. He didn't even pressure me to talk about it. I felt like I could tell him anything, it didn't matter how big or small it was because I knew he'd understand.

His lips touched mine just when his phone started ringing. I slowly pulled back, "You might wanna answer that."

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at who was calling. I looked over but he hung up before I could see who was calling.

"Who was that?" I asked.

"No one babygirl."

"Clearly it was someone. C'mon, who was it?"

He stood up and pulled my up so I was standing beside him. His phone beeped again, telling him he had a text message. He looked down at his phone which was in his hand.

"I gotta go Gabriella, I'll. . . I'll see you tomorrow. . . or whenever." He kissed me on the cheek, took his guitar off the stage and walked towards the backstage door.

"Ummm yeah, ok. Bye?"

_Great, there he goes again, that's like the seventh time this month._

"Your boyfriend just walk out on your little date?"

"Huh?" I turned around, thinking the whole time Troy & I were here we were alone. I guess not. I looked up to top of the stairs. "Jack? Jack Harris?"

"How'd ya know?" He laughed, he started walking towards me. Taking one step at a time. Slowly he made his way down to the front row of seats. "Gabriella Montez, how are ya doll?" He smiled and streched out his arms in a way that he expected me to hug him.

I looked down at him. Jack had been my best friend when we were kids, but seeing him now was weird. I hadn't seen him since I was starting high school.

"What no hug?"

I straighted my stance and looked at him, "What are you doing here Jack?"

"Can't I come home and visit by best friend for a few days?"

"We haven't been best friends for a long time."

"Oh c'mon Brie, you're not still upset about what I did are you?" He smiled at me, and walked closer to the steps leading up to the stage.

I said nothing. I just looked at him. I was chewing the inside of my mouth, trying to keep myself from calling Troy back. _He wouldn't of gotten that far, maybe he'd come back? _I thought. I couldn't be left alone with Jack. Not again. Not after last time.

"Gabby, Gabby, Gabby. Poor little Gabriella." He sighed walking up the steps of the stage. "Don't be scared Gabriella, what do you think I'm gonna do? Rape you in the middle of the the Theatre?"

"It wouldn't be the first time."

"Oh baby please, get over it. I was young. You were young. We didn't know what we were doing. I wouldn't exactly call it _rape_. Would you?"

"Yes. I would Jack. So would everyone else in the courthouse, just like they did when we were kids."

"That's just it Gabriella, we were kids. It was a bit of fun. . ."

"Just Shut up Jack! It wasn't fun. It was horrible!" I couldn't keep my voice at the normal speaking tone. I began shouting because fear was taking over my body. I could feel myself shaking. He took a few steps closer to me. I tried to step back but before I could he grabbed my arm.

"So the word on the street is your dating Troy Bolton? Basket-ball boy."

"So? It has nothing to do with you." I pulled my arm back and stepped away from him.

He smiled at me, staying where he was. I stepped back again, creating more space between us. "You know Brie, you're even more beautiful now then you were when we were kids." He mumbled. He sent chills down my spine.

I looked around the stage, looking for a way to get out. The spotlight that was shining on Troy just a few moments ago was now shinning on Jack. His dark blue jeans were ripped at the knees. His blond hair was shaved tight to his head. He was tall, almost six foot but he was skinny, like he could faint at any time. He was nothing like Troy. He smiled at me and stepped closer. I could hear him breathing.

"So basket-ball boy sings huh? You'd like that wouldn't you Gabriella? Someone who can sing you to sleep? Someone who you can spill all your secrets to? Well do you know where your little boyfriend has run off to? Maybe to see his exgirlfriend Sharpay? Or his little slut Taylor. You guys are friends right? Or used to be, since she got pregnant. Did she tell you it's Troy's baby? Yeah, the best friend and the boyfriend. I can see it now. Troy and Taylor together. You know why he went off with her?" He paused and looked at me. "I'm gonna take a wild guess and say, because you wont have sex with him? Are you scared Gabriella? I did scare you out of having sex? Or did Taylor's daddy do that to you? Oh you little slut. You like it don't you? You like having people touch you." He walked over to me, I was frozen to the spot. More then anything I wanted Troy to walk in, walk in and hear what Jack was saying, hear it and just make it go away. Jack ran his hand down the side of my face. "You're very beautiful Gabriella. I can see why people want you. I can see why I wanted you."

"Get away from me."

"What?" He smiled leaning closer to me.

"I said. Get away from me or I will call the poilce!"

"You wouldnt do that baby."

"Jack, I'm serious, get away from me!" I stepped back from him and pulled my phone out of my pocket.

"Okay, okay Gabriella, relax. I just came here to tell you that I'll be in town for a few days." He looked at me. "Just thought I'd get something off you." He bit his bottom lip, turned on his heel and walked to the steps leading off the stage. All I wanted to do was run for the backstage exist. I knew I couldn't leave while he was still so close to me. I couldn't show him I was scared. He walked down the steps and turned back to me. "I'd stay closer to your little boyfriend if I were you Gabriella. Wouldn't want to be _raped again_ would you?" He smiled and winked at me, then walked towards the stairs leading to the main lobby.

Before he could say or do anthing else, I ran for the backstage exist. My head was spinning. Tears began to fall down my face. I could feel my body shaking. I pushed open the door exposing the mid-day sunlight to my cold skin.

"What am I gonna do?" I sighed running my hand through my hair. I was too scared to leave the back of the thearte incase Jack was _waiting for me. _What he had said about Troy, the words were spinning in my head. _Troy and Taylor. Troy and Taylor. Troy and Taylor. _

"They couldn't. They. . . They wouldn't. Troy wouldn't do that to me." _That day at the beach, he was worried about Taylor. But that's because she was crying, not because he thought she was pregnant. I hadn't said anything about Taylor and the baby to Troy, but since that night he had been running off a lot. He had never let me see his phone. _

I pulled out my phone and pressed Troy's number. "I'll call him and. . . and. . . and what Gabriella? What are you gonna say? That Jack Harris just showed up and told me that Taylor's baby is yours? That he's gonna rape me again? That. . . . That I'm a complete mess and I'm scared? Scared of being left alone? Ugghh. . . -

"Hello?" A girl's voice answered the phone. Making my heart skip a beat.

"Fuck!" I mumbled. _Maybe I called the wrong number. _I looked down at my phone.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" The girl's voice said again. "What's wrong babe?" I heard another voice say. It wasn't just any voice. It was Troy's.

"Someone called you but no one's talking."

"Let me see it. Hello?" Troy said into the phone.

My mouth had gone dry. He was with Taylor.

"Oh shit." I heard Troy say into the phone. "Gab. . . Gabriella, babygirl, is that you? C'mon Gabriella talk to me."

Jack was right. Taylor was right. Troy and Taylor we're seeing each other.

"Babe it's probley just a prank call, don't worry about it." I heard the girl say, the girl who used to be my best friend, the girl who was pregnant, with my boyfriend's baby.

The only thing I could do was push the red button on my phone to hang up the phone.

"They were right." I mumbled to myself. More tears began to fall down my face. I leaned against the wall behind me trying to keep myself upright. I could feel stomach acid rising in my throat before I could stop myself I got sick, but it wasn't just my body brining up the sick, I found myself sticking my fingers down my throat. Making myself sick. Trying to make myself forget about what I'd just discovered.


	10. Chapter 10

The sun had only left the sky. Silver stars had taken its place. The sky had gone from a beautiful blue to a sad dreary black. Not like the normal night sky. This sky was sad, only a few stars had come out to gaze at the earth and the moon was hiding its face from the sadness.

I hadn't left the back of the theatre since the phone call. The thought of getting up off the ground had become to much. I had eleven missed calls from Troy. I couldn't bring myself to answer because I was afraid of what I'd hear, so I sat, in the silence, alone. I could hear people passing, hear them talking and laughing. I could hear the birds who flew over head, and the dripping water from the broken pipe only afew feet away from me.

After a while I stopped hearing people and birds. I could only hear the dripping water. The water that had washed away what I had ripped up from my stomach only hours before.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The sound was peaceful, it filled the air around me. The thoughts of Troy and Taylor together kept running through my head.

_I love you babygirl . _

I tried to focas on the dripping water. I knew once one drop of water fell from the top of the theatre another would follow, then another, then another.

I pulled my legs closer to me, hugging them for heat. Since the sun was gone down it was cold. I shivered and thought of Troy holding me.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"_Gabriella?" A worried voice filled the air. I froze and held my breath. _

"_Gabriella, if you're here please answer me." Troy's voice sounded so smooth, like silk, it flosted through the air but hit me in the face. Hard. _

"_Gabriella! Babygirl, c'mon please." _

His voice was coming closer, I didn't move. Still holding my breath, I put my head in my knees. I heard his converse scratch off the ground.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

I heard his breath slow. "Oh Gabriella." he called out, he seen me, on the ground, tear stained face, eyes puffy and mind srull stunned.

"_Baby, are you okay?" He kneeled down next to me and put his arm around me. He tried to pull me into his chest but I didn't move. The heat from his body was tempting, all I wanted to do was curl up into his chest, cry and tell him how much I loved him, but I knew I couldn't. Not after what he did to me, not after getting my best friend pregnant. Instead I kept my head on my knees. I kept my breathing slow and tried my best not to sob. _

"_Gabriella, please talk to me. Let me explain." _

"_I trusted you. I let you into my life and told you things I had never told anyone before and you go and do this to me? After everything I've told you, everything I've been throught, and how far I've come?" _

"_I know babygirl. I'm so sorry, you've been amazing and you've come so far out of depression and then I go and fuck it up, but please. . . Can't you forgive me? Just this once. I swear I'll never do anything like that again. You're the only girl I love. The only girl for me. I love you."_

"_Is the baby yours?" I pulled myself up to look at him. _

"_Taylor's baby? What? No! Of course not! Why on earth would you think that?" _

"_She said it was yours and you were calling her baby when I rang you." _

"_Taylor was at my house with her because my mom & her mom are friends, and my cousin was there. She's only two years old. She was the one I was calling babe. Not Taylor."_

"_You promise?"_

He moved closer to me and used his left hand to hold my my chin, making me look at him. "I swear on the sun, the moon, the stars. Everything. I'm yours and only yours."

He leaned closer to me and pressed his lips to mine.

I don't know why I kissed him back. I was still upset after hearing him with Taylor, something in the back of my mind was screaming at me to pull back, but i didn't.

My heart was breaking but my mind was telling me to hold on. To keep kissing him because no one would ever love me this way.

He slowly pulled back but pecked my lips again. "C'mon babygirl," He said and stood up. He held his hand down to me, waiting for me to take it. I did. His hand was warm around mine. He pulled me up and I found myself in his arms moments later. I felt safe here, like I could stay there forever. The voice in my head was louder now. Telling me to get away from him, that he wasn't telling the truth about Taylor but I pushed it back.

"_You're freezing, let's get you home." He walked out of the back of the theatre infront of me. I didn't want to walk with him. I was scared but he soon pulled me to his side and kissed the top of my head. _

"_I love you." He smiled and opened his car door for me. _

The car ride home was silent. I didn't talk and he didn't want to talk about what had happened. Every now and then I'd shiver or he would look at me. But it was silent, it was awkward but I just wanted to be alone.

He pulled up at my house, my parents were still away so I knew I'd be alone. I needed it.

I sighed and undid the seat belt. I pushed open the car door and was about to get out when he sighed.

I heard his door open and I seen him walk infront of the car, he reached my side and held his hand out for me. I took it and stood up.

"_I know you're still mad at me." He mumbled as I walked to the door. _

"_No I'm not." _

"_Gabriella, fucking hell why can't you just forgive me. I said I was sorry." He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him. _

"_Let go of my troy, I'm not in the mood! Just fuck off!" I pushed back from him and unlocked the front door._

I walked inside and slammed the door behind me. I didn't look back. I didn't want to see him. I just ran upstairs, straight to the bathroom.

I could hear his car roll out of the driveway. I could see this lights of his car shining into the bathroom. Tears bagan rolling down my face. I glanced around the cold dull bathroom. The only thing that seemed to sparkle was the razor blade. It was sitting on the floor in the shower. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and sighed.

My phone began ringing. "Miss Nothing" by the Pretty Reckless played loud filling the bathroom. I pulled my phone out of my pocket. It was my dad. I sighed and pressed the green button.

"_Heya dad." I said into the reciver. _

"_Hi darling, how are things?" He asked. _

"_Things are good. I was with Troy today and I just got home."_

"_He's not there is he?" _

"_No dad, he's not. We had a fight. . ."_

"_Oh, well you had something to eat right?" _

Tears began falling from my eyes. My dad was away with my mom to try to get her feeling better but the depression had gotten the best of her. He did so much for her and she never thanked him. She never told him she loved him, she never hugged him. He did everything and expected nothing in return, and then this happens to me. Before he didn't notice I stopped eating. He was too busy but then he started noticing, he tried to get time off work to help me at school and get me back performing but he couldn't get off and we grew apart. My mom became his main care. She hadn't had a conversation with me since my grandpa died. Any time we did talk we just started fighting and I'd storm out of the room or she'd start crying and run off to dad. He was amazing and I fucked everything up by getting depressed. By being obsessed with my body image.

I sighed and slightly smiled into the phone. "Yes daddy, I ate."

"_Alright good, well your mom says hi, and we should be home soon. I love you." _

"_I love you too. . . . so much. I miss you." My voice cracked at the last part and my tears were hitting the bathroom floor. _

"_I miss you too. I'll see you soon." The phone went dead after that. I sighed and put it down on the sink. _

I walked over to the shower and took the razor out. It sparkled in the dim light of the bathroom. I walked over to the bath and sat down on the ground. The tiles were cold but the razor was colder on my skin. I gasped when the blade hit the skin on my arm. Blood began making its way out of the gap in my skin. It slowly ran down my arm and fell onto the white tiles.

_I just want to be someone else. Someone who isn't me. Someone who's happy. Someone who has a nice life. Sexualy abused is what the doctors tell you it was. It's what the judge called it. It's a nicer word then raped. It doesn't send horrible thoughts through your mind. It shocks you but not as much as rape does. Rape you think attacked, beaten, forced. Sexualy Abused, what do you think? It's the same but people don't think it. _

_Attacked. Beaten. Forced. It's all the same. _

_People know you when it happens. Word travels fast and people pretend to care so they can get all the details of what happened. How they did it. How you couldn't fight back. Why you couldn't fight back. Some people think you're strong, some people think you're weak. Some people think it's funny. _

I cut again. More blood hit the tiles. More tears fell from my eyes.

_I've come to the point where I don't make new friends. I stay in a world where I'm safe. A world where men don't look at me for "cheep sex". A world where someone loves me. I thought I had that world in real life. I thought Troy was my reason to leave the make believe world but he was the reason for me to fall deeper into it. Everything I told him, everything I've done and gone through he throws it away. _

_**You are worthless. You are fat. You deserved to be raped. By your best friend's dad. By your best friend. They did it for a reason. Every hates you. They wanted to kill you but they also wanted you do that. To end your horrible fuck up of a life. You don't deserve anything. Troy didn't love you. He doesn't love you. He's with Taylor right now, kissing her, making love to her. They laugh at you when they're together. They think you're fat, and ugly. Because you deeper. Let the blood flow from you're body and onto the cold tiles and let the life drain from your body. **_

I cut again. I cut the pain away. I felt more blood flow down my arm, hit the floor. I felt sick. The breath left my lungs and I felt the room spin. I felt myself move, I tired to get up, but before I could everything went black. I could feel myself falling. I could hear my phone ringing. I felt my head hit the cold tile, then. ** Nothing. **


	11. Chapter 11

I had a taste of salt, tin & copper in my mouth when I woke up. The sun light was shining into the bathroom, making the drops of blood of the white tiles sparkle. I was dizzy and I felt like the room was spinning. Slowly I put my left arm under my chest and pushed myself off the floor.

"Ugh! That was a bad idea." I mumbled, pushing myself back to lean against the bath tub. "What happened last night?" I sighed looking around the bathroom. My vision was blurry and the sun light wasn't helping. I blinked, trying to make my sight come back to focas. There was a razor on the ground, and blood on the tiles. "Oh no, after so long of not cutting, this happens to me." I ingored the fact the room was spinning and I pulled myself off the floor. I stumbled a but got a hold of the wall so I could stand up right. I looked down at the cuts on my arm, they were deep and raw with blood. I stumbled my way over to the shower and turned it on. The water hit my arms, it was cold and made me pull back.

"I can do this." I said aloud. The water began heating up when I heard the door bell ring. I sighed and looked at the door. "Oh c'mon! I'm only after waking up after sleeping on the floor all night, I might as well be hung over." I grabbed a towel that was sitting on the rack next to the shower and stuck it into the shower waiting for the hot water to cover it. When it was wet I slowly rubbed it on my arms, taking away the dried blood that was there.

I slowly walked to the door & threw the towel on the floor as I walked to my bedroom. The door bell was still ringing. Who ever was there clearly had no time to wait. I grabbed a jacket that was lying on my bed. It was Troy's. I ignored the hurt in my heart after finding out about him and Taylor, and the fact she was pregnant with his baby. I ignored the voice in my head screaming at me, telling me how stupid I was for believing Troy liked me, and for believing we could be more then. . . . anything.

Walking down the stairs was hard because, well, it was spinning. I had to grip onto the wall on the way down to hold myself up. The door bell was still ringing. Fianlly I got to the door and almost fainted when I seen who it was. I slowly opened the try and tried not to sigh.

"Hi Gabriella, can. . . can I come in?"

"Umm sure, Sharpay, Come on in."

She walked in with her head held high, her heels were clicking off the wooden floors of the halls. I was afraid to breathe.

"You can, umm, you can go into the living room, it's right in there."

She looked around the hall & walked into the living room. I walked in after her and sighed. _What is she doing here? _I thought.

"So umm, Sharpay, is ehh, is everything okay?"

"You found out about Troy and Taylor, didn't you?" She asked looking at the photos on the mantle peice.

"Ehh, yeah, I... I did."

"How?"

Get straight to then point why don't'cha Sharpay? "A. . . A friend told me." I wasn't gonna tell her the guy who raped me when I was eight years old told me. That'd be crazy.

"It was that guy, Jack? Right?"

I didn't answer, I justed looked down to the ground.

"It was my fault Gabriella..."

I looked up at her, she was still looking at the photos.

"Was this you?" She asked pointing to a photograph. It was a little girl, standing on stage, lights shining down on her. She had a huge smile on her face.

"Yeah," I mumbled. "That was before I stopped performing. . ."

"Why did you stop?" She asked, she turned around to face me, still holding the photo.

"I don't. . ."

"It was my fault, wasn't it? I made you stop?"

She took one last look at the photo and put it down on the coffee table. "I was always really jealous of you Gabriella. You're pretty, you have the perfect body. You can sing and you're really talented."

"Sharpay. . ." I sighed and looked at her. Her blonde hair was perfect, her figure was amazing. She was just perfection.

"No Gabriella, let me talk. Please." She took a deep breath and looked at me.

"It's my fault that Taylor is pregnant."

"I'm sure it's not Sharpay, it's not like you had sex with her. . ."

"It's my fault Troy did. We were out one night, Taylor was all over Chad but he wasn't interested, I thought it would be funny if I told her Troy was into her. They started flirting and they were drinking and then. . . well, then they. . . . you know. . ."

"Yeah, you don't need to go into detail. . ."

"It was before you were dating him."

"But he was dating you?"

"Troy and I were never really a couple. Sure we hooked up but it was never like what you and him had. He really loved you. He still does love you, and he's really sorry that he never told you about Taylor, but he didn't know until you's starting dating."

"It doesn't change the fact that he got my best friend pregnant, even if he wasted dating me when he did."

"I know, and he's really really sorry. . ."

"He sent you over here dind't he?" I looked at Sharpay, she was looking at the ground.

"No." She looked up at me. "He didn't."

"Then why did you come over?"

"Because I wanted to make things right, Gabriella. I know what happened to you when you were younger. About Jack, and about Taylor's dad, and it's horrible. You're such a nice person who didn't deserve any of that to happen to you. You have so much to live for and when I seen you with Troy, you looked so happy. I wasn't upset about him being with you because it looked so perfect, like you guys were meant to be. I can get any guy I want, and Troy wants you. You're a great peson, and I was horrible to make Taylor and Troy do that. I didn't want Taylor to get pregnant. I didn't want any of this to happen."

"Sharpay, it's really nice that you came over here and told me that, but. . ."

"Just give Troy another chance, please. He was over at Taylor's yesterday sorting out stuff for the baby, I was there. He wouldn't cheat on you. He loves you."

I looked down at the ground, and sighed. The door bell rang again.

"I should go." Sharpay said, she slowly walked out of the room, her heels clicking on the floor. I walked out after her. She walked to the door and turned around to me.

"I hope we can try to be friends Gabriella. I'm really sorry for what I did."

"It's okay Sharpay."

"Gabriella, there's a show. . . on in the Sands Theatre. The auditions are next week. You should try out." She smiled at me and opened the front door.

"Troy. What. . . What are you doing here?"

Troy was standing at the front door, his hand up, ready to knock again.

"Ooooh, I gotta go. I'll talk to you soon Gabriella, let me know if you're gonna try out for the show, alright?" She said as she walked out the door.

"Umm, yeah. Ok Sharpay. Bye."

"Can I come in?" Troy half smiled at Sharpay, and looked at me.

"Yeah sure, come. . . come on in." I stepped back to let Troy walk in.

He slowly stepped in and closed the door behind him. I heard Sharpay's car start and sighed.

"What's up?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I was gonna forgive him for what he did.

"Babygirl, I'm so sorry for what I did. I lied to you, and I shouldn't of. I should of told you about Taylor, but I was too scared to because I didn't wanna lose you. Please forgive me."

"I don't think I can forgive you Troy. I trusted you. I told you things I didn't tell anyone before and I felt like I was finally normal, and you go and do this to me. It's not fair."

"I know it's not. I'm a horrible person who doesn't deserve you and if I could change everything I did I would. I love you." His blue eyes filled up with tears and I could feel my heart breaking in my chest again.

"Troy, I. . . "

"I'm sorry Gabriella, and if you never wanna talk to me again I understand. I just wanted to you know that I love you." He looked at me and slowly turned around. He put his hand out to open the front door. I couldn't stop myself, I moved closer to him. He turned around to face me. I slightly smiled at him and pressed my lips to his. He didn't kiss back right away, but after a while he did. He put his arms around my wasit and pulled me closer to him.

I slowly pulled back and smiled at him. "Just promise to tell me everything from now on. Ok?"

"I swear, I wont keep any secrets from you. I love you so much."

"I love you too Wildcat."

"What was Sharpay doing here?" He asked looking at the door.

"Oh, she just came over to tell me about. . . about a show thats going on in Sands."

"Are you gonna try out?" He smiled and pecked my lips.

"I think so. It's been ages since I've done a show, but I dunno if I'd be good enough."

"Of course you are! You're amazing!" He smiled and pulled me closer to him.

The voice in my head was screaming at me. Telling me how stupid I was, telling me that I was making a mistake. I looked up at Troy and slightly smiled.

_What am I doing? _I asked myself.


	12. Chapter 12

Troy's hands were warm against my skin. His hands moved along my stomach, around to my back. His lips were on my neck, I could feel his hot breathe on my skin. My heart was beating so fast I was afraid he could hear it. My mouth had gone dry, I couldn't speak. His lips moved up to my mouth. He crushed his lips to mine, he was rubbing my back. He slowly pulled back and whispered in my ear, " I promise, I'm not gonna hurt you."

My breath caught in my throat. His hands were moving along my back, he lifted me into his arms and smiled.

He kissed my cheek and laid me down on the bed. He pressed his body closer to mine, he kissed me with more force, wanting more everytime. I shivered but he held me closer. He hands we're warm and soft but my body was freezing.

Note the quadruple space... ever read a book where the two main characters... do it and it has a quadruple space so you don't have to read about it, or mostly so the author doesn't have to write about it, well that's what my quadruple space is...

Troy's arms were strong, his breath was steady, his heart-beat was even. I slowly pushed the blacket off my body and stood up on the cold floor. I looked back at Troy and smiled. I really loved him, and he really loved me. He was kind and sweet. He didn't force me to do anything, and what we just did showed that he loves me. I pulled on my bathrobe which was lying on my bedroom floor and turned to walk towards the door, keeping as quite as I could so I wouldn't wake up Troy.

"Where are you going?" A husky voice asked behind me.

I smiled to myself and turned around to face him. "To the bathroom, to have a shower, girls do that sometimes." I giggled.

He smiled and got off the bed, only wearing his underwear he walked towards me and put his left arm around my waist. "Maybe I could join you." He smiled leaning closer to me. He pressed his lips closer to mine and whispered "Maybe I could wash your back." His warm breath on my face made me go slightly weak at the knees and I tried my best not to make it look like I was going to fall over.

"I think I'll be alright, Wildcat."

"Oh c'mon babygirl, it'll be fun."

"I don't think so Wildcat, my parents are gonna be home in a couple of hours and you shouldn't even be here." I pressed my finger to the tip of his nose and smiled at him.

"Your parents love me." He half smiled at me, knowing it made me go all lovey dovey for him.

"My parents loved you when you were five years old and all you talked about was wanting to play basketball for the lakers."

"And I still do wanna play for the lakers, but right now," he said pressing his body closer to mine. "The main thing on my mind is their beautiful daughter." He kissed me lightly on the lips and slowly pulled back, half smiling at me.

"You're a charmer Wildcat but I'm serious, I need to have a shower. Now let me go."

"And what if I don't?" He smiled and put his right arm around my waist.

"Then I will beat you up." I smiled up at him.

He laughed and looked down at me, pressing his forehead to mine. "I'd like to see you try babygirl. You're five foot two and you weigh about as much as a bag of sugar."

"A bag of sugar is heavy!"

"Yeah, to someone as small as you... Shawty." He smiled and picked me up.

"Troy, put me down!"

"Nope." He smiled and threw me onto my bed. He was leaning over me, tickling me before I could move.

"T... Tro... Troy... Stop it... It... It hurts!" The breath was being knocked out of me and I couldn't speak right.

Troy smiled and stopped tickling me. He leaned down and kissed me. His lips were soft, there was just enough _want _in his kiss for me to kiss back.

I slowly pulled back and smiled at him. "Wildcat, I need to get ready."

"Fine." He sighed and stepped away from me.

I climbed off the bed and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

Being with Troy was different. It felt like I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't. It was like he wanted me for me. Spending the night with him was just what I needed. I felt like I was closer to him now, like our relationship was stronger. So what if he was having a baby with my best friend? I mean, sure it's a bit crazy but we weren't together when it happened... Maybe I'm being silly about it, but words can't describe how much I love Troy. There's just something about him. The way he looked at me, the way he said my name, the way he smiled when he kissed me. There was just something about him.

Yes, I'd have to deal with the fact a baby is coming soon and that's gonna change a lot of things with Troy and I, and of course Troy and Taylor. They were gonna be parents. They were gonna have to take care of a baby. They were gonna have to see each other a lot more, but I trusted Troy, I knew he wouldn't do anything behind my back. We had sorted out what had happened that day outside the theatre and now things were fine. Yesterday was a little weird when Sharpay was over but whatever was going through her head, maybe she was feeling guilty about what was happening with Taylor...

I could hear Troy call my name from the bathroom. I smiled to myself and looked at my reflection in the mirror.

I sighed. No matter what I still hated myself. There was still bags under my eyes, there was scars on my arm. The fat around my thighs... on my arms... on my stomach. I was starring about myself, making myself sick. I looked around the room. My head was starting to spin. I looked back about myself.

"Not now." I mumbled to the girl looking back at me in the mirror. "Please, not now. I had an amazing night and then I feel like this once I'm alone? This isn't fair. Please. Please don't let this happen." I looked at the door, Troy was only down the hall from me. He was so close but these thoughts were still running through my mind.

_He slept with you last night because he feels sorry for you. He doesn't love you. He thinks your body is horrible. He thinks your ugly. He's gonna go to Taylor or Sharpay's house when he leaves and they're gonna make fun of you, and how fat you are. He's gonna tell you he loves you when you leave this room, he's gonna say that you're beautiful and he'll kiss you. He'll take his jacket and put on his shoes and walk out the front door and he's gonna call Chad and then the whole basket-ball team will know how much of a loser you are. They'll laugh and make fun of you, not only behind your back but when they see you they'll laugh in your face then too._

The girl looking back to me was pretty. With her long black curly hair, her small face, tan skin. When she smiled she looked different. She didn't look happy, she looked like she was stuck somewhere. Stuck between two different lives... Two different people... Two different dreams.

"Babygirl, you alright in there?" Troy's voice was soft. It made me jump. I didn't notice but I was in my own world. I looked at the girl in the mirror.

"Please don't hurt me now." I whispered.

The handle of the door turned and I slightly smiled.

"Babe, are you alright? You've been in here for a while... You didn't even go for a shower." He smiled and walked over to me.

"Yeah, of course I'm fine, I just, ummm, I got a little distracted, I'm not feeling so well, I think I'm getting the flu"

"Awh, babe! You know if you want I can stay, take of you." He looked down at me and smiled, placing his arms around my waist.

"No, no Wildcat. I'll be fine." I sighed and smiled at him.

"I don't wanna leave you if you're not well."

"Troy, I'm not a baby anymore. I'll be fine." I smiled pushing him out the bathroom door.

"Hey, hey! What are you doing?"

"You need to go baby. I need to get ready for when my parents come home." Of course I didn't tell him about the fact I wanted him to leave so I could sit in the bathroom and make myself sick, or use a razor to draw blood out of every inch of fat in my body... But, of course, he didn't need to know about that.

I pushed him down the hall, but he turned around to face me. "I love you."

I looked up at him, and slightly smiled. "I love you too."

"Are you sure you want me to go? I mean, I'm a very good doctor... and if my baby is getting sick I would like to be here to take care of her." He smiled and put his arms around my waist.

"Troy." I say putting my hands over his and pushing them off my body. I don't want him touching me. I know I did last night but that was then and this is now, and right now I'm feeling like the fattest person in the world. I don't want this beautiful guy, who I love so much touching this horrible fat mess of a body.

"I'll be fine. Trust me. You need to go."

"Fine. Fine. I'm leaving." He half smiled at me and turned around, walking down the stairs infront of me. He reached the bottom of the stairs and turned back around. He took in my whole body. I could see his eyes... starting off at my legs. _My fat legs. Sickly fat. Huge. I bet he's thinking how horrible they are. _

His eyes move up to my torso. _Fat. Fat. Fat. My stomach is huge. I bet he's thinking I look pregnant..._ Pregnant, the thought of him and Taylor comes rushing back into my mind. Forget what I thought while I was in the bathroom. I loved Troy. I didn't want him with anyone else. I didn't want him with Taylor. I wanted him with me. _Only me. _

_BUT YOU'RE FAT! _ My mind screamed at me.

His eyes moved up more. To my face. He smiled at me. "I'll see you soon, okay? And if there's something wrong just call me." He stepped off the last step of the stairs and walked towards the front door. He slowly opened it, letting sunlight pour through the room. Letting the California heat come into the house.

He turned towards me, slowly leaned in and kissed my right cheek softly.

"Bye." I whisper, trying to keep my voice steedy. Right now I'm ready to just slam the door in his beautiful, perfect face, run upset stars to the bathroom and puke my guts up. There's no nice way of putting it. I hate my body and I want to make myself suffer because somehow, my heart hurts.

"Bye babygirl." My eyes were closed, keeping the tears from this heartache inside me. I heard the door close. I felt the sunlight and the heat leave with him.

I was alone. The house was quiet. Only a few hours before, Sharpay was standing in my living room, telling me that it was her fault Troy was going to be a _dad._ Pain flooded my heart again.

"Why am I so upset?" I say aloud, hoping for an answer. No one replies.

I thought I could handle Troy being with Taylor. I mean, it was before _us, _so it shouldn't be bothering me.

"News-Flash Gabriella. It's bothering you." I say aloud again. Taylor and Troy. Together. He's gonna be there when the baby is born. He's gonna be there when the baby is growing up. He's gonna be there... for the next... eight-teen years.

I look around myself, trying to get out of myself. I want to disapper. I want to get away from this feeling of _heartache. _Pure heartache for Troy. I don't know what happened over the last few weeks being with him but I know I love him. I know I shouldn't. I also know my heart isnt safe with him. He hurt me before. He lied to be about Taylor. About not knowing about the baby. About that day outside the theatre.

What else has be lied about?

Only a few hours ago, I was upstairs with Troy. In my bedroom. I gave myself to him. Just like Taylor did. He did to me, just what he did to Taylor. My best friend Taylor... Well, ex-best friend. I don't even know what happened with her.

"This is crazy." I say aloud to myself. "I love a guy who got my best friend pregnant. I had sex with the guy who got my best friend pregant." I take a deep breath and walk towards the stairs. There's a mirror on the wall. I look at the girl looking back at me. "What happened to me? What happened to the girl who loved singing, and acting, and making people smile? The girl who used to tell people it didn't matter what you looked like. People like you for what inside you. Not what you look like."

I sighed. I kept my eyes on the girl in mirror. "Where is that girl gone? Somewhere in all this shit, she has to be somewhere." I look up the stairs. I know if I go upstairs, I'll go into the bathroom, I'll make myself sick. I'll want to cut all this fat off me.

"I need it off me." I whisper to myself. I take one last look at the girl starring back at me.

Before I know it, I'm walking up the stairs. I'm walking towards the bathroom and tears are starting to drip from my eyes.

The bathroom is cold. I can breath in here. It comes easy. My body shakes. My heart hurts. My head spins. Slowly I pick up my toothbrush. It's sitting on the edge of the sink. My hand shakes as I pick it up. I turn it upside down. I don't dare to look in the mirror. I don't want that fat girl looking back at me. My body is shaking. My legs are going weak. The plastic is soft. I can feel it go into my mouth. Feel it going down my throat. Before I know it, I'm gagging. I'm gagging and trying to make myself sick. It doesn't help that I've been living on water since that day in the theatre. I still felt sick about Jack being in town. I felt sick about Taylor and Troy. I felt sick about my parents. I didn't want my mom to get sick like this. I didn't want her to stop talking to me. I didn't want my dad to suffer with her like this. A silent killer. I always thought it was just us being unlucky that she had gotten depression. But now, leaning over the bathroom sink I relise it's me. I'm the reason my mom is sick like this. How could I not see it before? If all this shit didn't happen with me, she'd be fine. She'd be happy. My parents would have a great life if I wasn't here. It's my fault eveything is so fucked up.

My throat hurts. My stomach is empty. The only thing I got out of me was stomach acid. I turn on the tap and watch as the water takes it away. _Away for good. _I wish to myself .

The water washes it down the drain.

Water takes away the blood that's left on my body. When I try to hack off the fat on my body.

Water hides my tears as I cry silently in the shower. Where I feel like I'm not alone with my tears. It hides them. Puts a cover on my tears and hides them so no one can see that I cry.

It hides my cuts and scars so no one can see them.

_Water will take away anything. It will wipe you from this place. If you go, Troy can be with Taylor. Your parents can be happy. _

_You wont be here, so everything will be better. _

The beach is only down the road.

I can picture the cold salt water on my skin. Covering me, so no one can see what I look like.

"Maybe it would be better if I was gone." I whisper to myself.


	13. Chapter 13

I ignored the pounding in my head. I pushed past the people in the crowded street. The California heat was beating down on me hard. Like the pain in my heart, I ignored it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel like I need to keep moving. Keep pushing past people. I don't even know where I'm going. I push past more people. They look at me, some yell. I ignore. I keep walking. I don't know where I'm going. I just keep moving. I'm afraid if I don't keep walking then I'll break into tears. My heart is beating so hard I can feel it hitting off my chest. I struggle to catch my breath. Pretty soon I escape the crowd. I push past into a street where it's silent. No one is down here. I lean agains't the tall brick wall next to me. I try to slow down my breathing. try to stop my heart from beating so fast that I think I'm going to die.

"Gabriella?"

I slowly turned my head to see Taylor standing a few feet away from me.

"What are you doing here Gabriella? Shouldn't you be at home? I heard about what happened." She looked at me then I seen her head fall. She looked at the ground. I felt my heart beat slow down. I felt like the sun was a few inches from me and I was burning to death. I couldn't speak but I knew I had to. I couldn't just stand there looking at Taylor.

"How did yuou hear?" I whispered.

"News like that travels fast around here." She said as she took a step closer to me. "Is she dead?"

My eyes began to fill up with tears. I looked at Taylor and I felt like my whole world had come crashing down on top of me. "I'm so sorry Taylor."

"Hey." She said walking up to me. I felt her put her arms around me. I felt her pulling me closer to her but I dind't move. I stayed standing in the same spot. I could hardly feel her arms around my shoulders. "You have nothing to be sorry about Gabriella. I should be the one who's sorry. I was a total bitch. I knew you liked Troy. I knew you loved him and I went and slept with him and ended up getting pregnant. It was never meant to happen. I swear! I didn't want to sleep with him. I don't want to have this baby. I want things to go back to normal. They way they used to be when we were best friends and we did everything together. When you weren't sick and. . . " She faded out after the last bit. My head was down, tear drops were falling from my eyes. I could feel them running down my cheeks.

"And before my mom was gone." I whispered before I could stop myself.

"Do you wanna go home?" She asked rubbing my back.

"No. It hurts too much."

"It'll be ok Gabriella. You're not alone. I'm here for you." She whispered.

"How will it be Ok Taylor? My mom is after killing herself."

She just stood there. Looking at me. I burst into tears and hid my face in my hands.

"Come on." She said pulling my hand away from my face. "Let's go to my house."

Silently I walked with her. For the whole walk to her house I didn't say a word, I just cried.

I never liked being in Taylor's house because of what her dad did to me when I was little but today he wasn't there. I felt weird sitting at her kitchen table. The last time I was here she told me she was pregant. Her stomach had gotten bigger. Not big enough to tell she was pregant, it just looked like she ate a big lunch and she was a bit bloated. I looked down at the wooden table. The kitchen was really quiet. It felt horrible.

"Do you want some coffee?" Taylor asked.

"No thanks." I whispered.

"When was the last time you ate something Gabriella?"

"I dunno, but I'm not hungry. I don't want anything."

"Ok, I'm not gonna force you." She sighed. She sat down on the chair across from me. "How did you find out?" She asked looking down at her hands.

I looked down not wanting her to look at me. "My dad rang me." More tears fell from my eyes. "They were meant to come home today. She was meant to be getting better but last night she... she..." My words caught in my mouth and I couldn't speak. I just sat there, crying. While my best friend looked over at me, with one hand on her stomach. Like she was holding her baby. Her baby that she's having with my boyfriend.

"It's ok baby." Taylor's words came out soft. I slowly looked up. My hair fell into my eyes.

The room fell silent. None of us said anything.

The door bell rang breaking the silence. Without a word Taylor stood up and walked out of the kitchen. I didn't, I just sat there, trying to gather my thoughts together. Everything was so blurred right now.

"Hey baby." I heard from the hall. Straight away I knew who it was. I felt my heart breaking in my chest again and again.

"Shhh! Be quiet. You shouldn't even be here! Gabriella is in the kitchen." I heard Taylor whisper.

"Oh shit What's she doing here? I thought you guys weren't friends anymore."

I slowly got off the chair in the kitchen trying not to make a sound. I walked over to the door leading into the hallway. Standing there, looking perfect like always was Troy. He had his arms around Taylor. He was smiling down at her.

"We're not." I said answering Troy's question. It was hard keeping the hurt from my voice but somehow I managed. I pushed back the tears and crossed my arms over my chest. Troy pulled back from Taylor and stepped back from her.

"Gab... Gabriella... Wha... What are you doing here babygirl?"

Still trying to keep the hurt from my voice I said "Don't babygirl me Troy."

"Troy, you should go." Taylor said.

"No." I said walking closer to Troy. "Let him stay Taylor." I looked at her. "Let him stay and explain to me what he's doing here. I know it's not to visit the _unborn _baby." I looked at Troy, he looked down at his shoes. "Go on Troy. Why are you here?"

I was sick and tired of taking crap of him. I was sick of the lies with him. The I_ love you, you're the only one for me _crap. I was sick of him treating me like I was a baby that couldn't take care of herself.

I can't believe I was so stupid to believe that he wasn't with Taylor. How could I not see it?

"Troy was just... hummmm..." Taylor looked

I looked at Troy again. He looked away from me when our eyes met.

"Troy came over because he was...Hmmm... He... He..." Taylor was never good at thinking on the spot, normally she'd freak out and start stuttering, that's when you'd know she was lying.

I was trying my best to keep the tears inside me, but I could feel them coming over my eyes. My vision was getting blurry. I blinked the tears away but they just kept coming back.

"I don't think I should have to explain anything to you Gabriella. Taylor's having my baby, should I not be allowed come over to her house?" Troy asked finally looking me in the eye.

"This is what you wanted Troy, wasn't it? Too get Taylor and me? Too hurt me even more then I already am now. Too rip the last bit of love I had left inside... well thank you. You did it. Mom died last night and now you've killed the rest of me."

"Wh... What?" He looked at me, confusing spreding around his features.

"Her mom over dosed last night on her sleeping pills and she died... She never woke up.. Troy.." Taylor Whispered.

"Gabriella... I.. I'm so sorry.. I.. I didn't.." He stuttered as he walked over to me.

"Save it Troy." I siaid

He put his arm up. . . To hug me maybe. I pushed it away as the first of the tears began to spill over. I tried my best to choke them back but they just wouldn't stop. I pushed my way past Troy & Taylor, wanting only to leave the house, everyone in it and every horrible memory it held to me.

I just wanted to let go of everything. All the horrible things that had happened to me. My mom was gone now, everytime I thought about her my heart broke over and over again. I needed to find a way to get rid of everything. To stop hurting. To get a release.


End file.
